Iam made up

Another day another Darkroom session. Since I have found a passage that completely makes my face and body numb and creates a layer of "white noise" visual, my darkroom is not a burden anymore, but something I just do as it is part of my existence. For the last 2 days, I started to add the command "silence" in my head and today I decided to say it out loud with a commanding voice. The result is even though it creates only short bursts of true silence, it was sufficient enough to move AP faster and further. The IOB face flashes here and there, but my silence is not long enough to sustain it.

When I switched the light on I was met with the usual dizziness and a very fresh mindstate. I like to look at my hands and usually after a successful session, they look very different, once they even looked like sausages lol. I started doing my recap work on the list and reviewing every single person in my life for a couple of weeks now and realized that we are nothing but a list of templates, habits, and things we conditioned ourselves to. Today tho, I realized that we are entirely made up. I mean me myself, starting from my name and things I do, things I am good at, bad at, things I like or hate, and anything that I call my personality traits, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is a result of some kind of conditioning or interaction in the past. Whether it's a place or animal or individual that affected me, I realized that I am like a made-up onion made of layers that are stacked on top of each other, which completely made to believe that I am just a made-up character in this made-up society-world. The world where people have the same made-up things, but think that it is all they have and are ready to die protecting it. The world where people do made-up jobs and indulge in it to unimaginable conditions. It all reminds me of actors who play in the movie and forgot that they are actors and now the movie became entire existence. I realized, everything that I indulge in myself on a daily basis, good or bad doesn't change anything nor does it matter at all. Our lives are so short and anybody can die any minute from unforeseen things, but people all act like they have nothing to lose and that they will be here forever.

Recap is super important, this is one of the tools that expands our self-awareness or (personal power) which will allow us to grasp the infinity because when we look inside at our inventory we are stuck and not able to see anything but our own made-up reality that was created by us. From recapping now I understand what an inventory list is and why one creates a list for a very long time and just throws it away.

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