Part of the intent of sorcery is to "Pass on what you have learned!"
This isn't just for the sake of the person you're passing it to.
It's part of the intent of the entire path.
No passing on, no path will remain in the future.
No path, no intent, no pull.
No pull, and you'll just be standing there staring at darkness. Wondering if it's all just a big lie.
As such, you can't really afford to ignore that part about passing it on.
This of course does not include being a tedious inventory warrior, pretending to have something worth passing on.
You have to actually have put in a huge effort, so that you're experiencing stunning impossible magic all the time.
If not, then all you'll pass on is the intent of greed and attention seeking.
Which is what you get from the fake sorcery teachers out there, with their books and workshops.
The intent of deception and greed.
On the surface, especially to a beginner, this just sounds like being judgy. Bitchy.
Not "inclusive".
Tending to "trigger" innocent victims who like the books as much as you do.
So who are you to play Hitler's youngest living nephew?
But it's not!
Intent becomes VISIBLE eventually.
In fact, all of our reality is the result of intent.
None of it is what it seems to be.
So heed the words of Yoda.
Pass on what you have learned.
Not for the sake of whoever you try to help.
For your own sake.
Just make sure you actually have anything worth passing on first?
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Beginning darkroomers look for visible sights. Which when seen help pull the assemblage point along the J curve, so that the sights and magic become even more vivid.
But eventually that energy body begins to form by itself, and the intent of Tensegrity becomes visible.
It's not the same as the "practical side", such as forming yourself a blue ball of energy body, for traveling anywhere nearly instantly.
But it's very much what Carlos emphasized above all else: The Intent of the Sorcerers of Ancient Mexico.
Who knew it was a real thing?!?
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Dan, I feel like I have saved enough energy to push my ap further, but everytime I do things get crazy and my fear pulls me out by starting inner dialogue. I know iam able to push it, but there is this fear that I will get so scared of IOB that I will piss myself. Like today this huge red dot just appeared, it looked like somebody flashed a big pint point laser in front of me. My heart went into my feet and instantly my inner dialogue went trhough the roof like some defense mechanism. Any tips on how to overcome it? Iam trying to fight the fear by accepting it and understand that yes maybe even if I piss myself it's whatever, at least I won't die.
OK. I'll pass it on. I had a breakdown last week as I was driving when I recalled a comment I previously made to someone close to me. It wasn't even a big deal but suddenly I felt totally embarrassed, started yelling at myself for being so totally stupid for saying such a dumb fucking thing, pounding on the steering wheel. I even had suicidal thoughts for being such a worthless human being. It was pure hell. Absolute overload. And then something like a voice told me my shields were down.
Two week before, I woke in the early morning with a pain in my chest that turned into an intense pressure that lasted for maybe a half hour. Related??
My emotional stability is precarious. I got off balance today after an inconsequential interaction at a car garage. I thought I paid too much and whether I did or not I ended up in depressive doldrums for not being impeccable. WTF. That was never me, but it is now.
The mood changes are swift but don't last. I have to be very careful of my behavior now or I lose a ton of energy. Impeccable. That's the only upside I've noticed so far. The restraint is nice. My sobriety sucks.
My darkroom practice is intermittent but I especially like the resultant mental acuity. I'm 77 and male and have always known not much would come of my tensegrity practice until I reached this age. I would value any comments.
Better do a ton of recap then!
Let me advise you on what I did.
So you don't do the beginners mistake of doing practically nothing.
It's shocking what beginners in here come up with, and claim it's a serious effort!
First I made a list of every "situation" or incident I could recall.
On standard notepad paper, the lined kind.
30-35 lines per page depending on how careful you are.
Just 1 liners! Don't write an essay. That's for when actually doing it. You relive it, not write it down.
As I did recap, I added anything I discovered I had missed.
So the list DID NOT SHRINK. It expanded for two or three months.
I did 2-4 hours a day of recap.
When the list got close to 0, I went to my favorite grocery store, and examined every single item on the shelves. To see if there were more memories associated with something as silly as "Cream of Wheat Cereal".
The list must have expanded back up to 100 pages at that point, but I don't recall. If I got too much and it was frustrating, I left.
Planning to come back again until I did the whole store.
Now days, you could just cell phone video all the isles, and take them up at home, as you go. See how far into the seconds of the video you get over time.
Then I traveled to every single place I ever lived, and walked around where I walked while there.
Oddly, it didn't cause as much more to get added as the grocery store and all the objects it.
Then I traveled to every school I attended, specifically, and if I could gain access to the campus I did so. Went everywhere.
After all that was recapitulated, I still worried I hadn't done enough.
So I got a small dictionary, and went over every single word definition, starting with the As.
I made it to the Ms, when I found my entire life was visible in front of me, like a 3D spider web.
So you'll "know" when you're done. But you have to be honest about it, not eager to finish. There's zero point to "finishing".
On that visible web with the events stuck to junctions, I had the ability to gaze at one and get sucked into a very vivid daydream of it.
Do that, and your situation will greatly improve.
Or you can just "suck it up".
As Zuleica said, if you can just move your assemblage point to Heightened Awareness (the mid orange zone), having recapitulated or not won't make any difference.
So there is a "place of no pity" where what you find unpleasant, becomes meaningless.
Interesting you mentioned Zuleica. i Have a vivid recollection of a scene from the early eighties, in a bakery, of a small (5' tall) wrinkled old boy who was staring at me, no, looking into me fixedly the whole time. Felt like a jolt. Even as I walked out across the parking lot when I looked back. I didn't know who it was until Florinda commented in her last book about Emilito's lemur eyes. It was unmistakably him. His eyes were huge. What a great place to sink into recap.
I spent about 5 years on a formal recap maybe 30 a
There are perceptions I have that may or not be of use. One you know about where I focus on vibration, my breathing changes, I feel bliss, the world loses its static quality and moves and seems distorted and takes on a colorful richness. A nice place for perception of things of this world. Plants, objects, love, sound. Wonderful fields of awareness like vibrations of the earth as trucks and planes and motorcycles go by. I see that dark universe of 3D points of light beyond but don't have the energy to go and stay there yet. It stresses my body in ways I don't like.
Is the sense of motion useful? I don't know where I am, what's useless fantasy, what's of value for a seer, or where to go other than to redouble my efforts in recap and look for the place of no pity. Extreme sobriety? A portal? A path?
Don't alter the design of recap.
That's "something else".
It's ok to explore the scenes if you go into them for real, standing right there like it was real.
Such as fly up into the sky to look for stuff you missed.
Or walk around.
But don't start adding stuff.
That's likely to cause you to do what all closed eye meditation people do: Misrepresent the side effects of closed eye meditation, as something profound.
Next you'll be running into phantom hookers in blue dresses, and making up a "Fire Kasina" sacred text, to show how powerful you are.
Or you'll end up with something like "Astral Travel".
Total harmful nonsense.
They don't even really do what they claim, or else it would grow weekly and they wouldn't be so angry when you point out what they've actually gotten themselves into.
Pretending, in a supportive environment.
A Monroe con game.
Stick with the instructions!
If for no other reason than, that's the "intent path".
Disturbing it is like heading off on a rabbit trail off the only human path in the mountains.
I'm so fucking full of self pity that the position of no pity should be a cinch. Off the top of my head, there may be a strong element of abandon in the mood.