HELP - Sun Fire Energy then Met Cyclic BEING!? IDK What to DO!!

I am fairly certain I met something like what they call a 'cyclic being'.

Does anyone reading this know what that means, and have you also met a cyclic, and when you did, how the HELL did you deal with it..and now onto my story...

I feel like I am going crazy and that I've seen a UFO or something weird and extraordinary that I cannot explain to others...and its NOT all good!

I've been doing a lot of the work, tensegrity occasionally on a whim, recapitulation, dream when I can but mostly bad at it, and more recently learning how to pull energy from the sunrise...

The last thing especially seemed to have cured a bad case of long covid - made me lighter, looser, lost weight, felt younger, and I also seemed to have lost my fear of connection with others. Social anxiety is something I'd been plagued with to varying degrees my entire life but I seemed to have very suddenly gotten over it, if I am not more or less important than anyone else what should I have to fear from anyone else right?

And yes *sigh* I still long for romantic connection which I've been abstaining from for about 15 years.

I met someone through a discord group who immediately began to LOVE BOMB me (what can I say, I'm kind of a stud). My body told me 'no this is not what you think it is' but I liked the person so I told him - no I cannot 'go there' with you, but I like you, lets be friends, and settle your ass down! After all he lives in another country. And this - situationship - would be long distance...Uhg.

And then the synchronicities came and did not stop. Commonalties, as if our lives rhymed, we would find this in music, entertainment, exercise, interests, everything except he doesn't know anything about Carlos Castaneda, and little about nagual style shamanism.

However - he knows stuff, a combination of taoism and other things, and recently had me read Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman - its more or less a Carlos Casteneda book in principle.

The connections are spooky.

I'll admit, I fell a bit in love!

BUUUUT my body/intuition kept warning me. I have the ability to see to some distance as time approaches if the flow of things is in synch with what I am thinking - it manifests as pressures on various parts of my left side. A combination of recapitulation and then a wild extasy experience in my 20's triggered this handy little gift.

I KNEW something is wrong, especially in regards to pursuing any kind of romantic relationship there...and yet, when I ask Death for advice it said 'Just go with it, FEEEL Something...'

So caught between my intuition, and Death telling me to Go With IT...I opted for the later. I always opt for death's advice.

There were two instances as I lay in bed in that imbetween state when a malevalent thing formed in my window, and I had a bout of anxiety that felt like death was there, but I got a hold of things and the left side of my body began to open up. It passed but was frightening.

I then began to feel like I would eventually need to go west, or southwest, a pull in that way - as if someone or something out there could help...maybe this is a tangent.

Meanwhile, I began to find out over time that this person, well... seems to exhibit addictive behavior, especially when it comes to alcohol and maybe some prescription drugs, especially for sleep. He has a jaw condition that causes pain, migraines, and he also claims to see sleep paralysis demons, and therefore often has to take some kind of sleeping drug.
And yet, claims to be into lucid dreaming - he is chaotic as hell. I ask myself, how could he be cyclic, basicly another version of myself, a certain incarnation - as I don't have addictive traits nor am I chaotic, right? On the other hand - perhaps I am indeed, apathetic, obsessive, and yes can get rather addicted to things.

Long story short, he sabotaged us in the romantic sense. In fact every time I seemed to open up the hood or move close to intimacy, even if he initiated it, he would snap back or flake out, or avoid...Fearful avoidant attachment style for sure. Rather than deal with the intense emotion, or even his pain, especailly childhood trauma (those sleep paralysis demons) - he'd just assume run away and go to a cave. He not only sabtaged us, but several of his close friends who were starting to peel back the curtain.

Amazing how shame and guilt are often utterly warrantless isn't it?

So to protect my sanity, and give him time to 'heal' as he wasnt ready, we affectionately broke off our undefined situationship, with a tentative 3 month no contact period. I was extremly honest, vulnerable, and affectionate in my farewell, and to my amazement, he was the same.

I'd resolved to let go and move on from this, and still need time. BUT as I recapitulate the relationship, as I give myself time to think on it, I am still convinced that we are far more alike than not...and yes, it looks like cyclic, and I am feeling moments of confused anxiety.

I find myself judging - declaring that he is really fucked up and could drag me down. I want to run away but also run towards him, clearly...in that regard we are kind of alike.

I cannot turn on the radio or listen to almost any music because I am reminded that he likes this song or that song.

I cannot browse movies without being reminded of all the entertainment that he shared in common with me.

Sometimes when I dissect song lyrics or look at poetry - I realize he could've written this.

So it is the most difficult 'breakup' I have ever experienced so far; and I honestly wonder if I'd be in a similar boat no matter his gender, but I feel like I NEED to understand and explore this, even if it ends up not being romantic at all...and as of now, I am not sure when to make contact again and what I will do when it happens, and I NEVER know what will happen with this person, it always ends up being an unpredictable surprise!

I feel very vulnerable sharing this here - but vulnerability is not a weakness. Any experience with this or advice? You think this might be a cyclic, and if so, is it even important? Maybe it isn't, and I need a bit of ruthless sobriety.

It really feels like that series Loki - as if I am Loki, and met a variant from a parallel universe.

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