is personal power related to the life situation and the path it takes? why is world like this tho?

Hi dear Dan and members of the subreddit

I have gone through various chapters through my life and I witnessed enough to make questions.

I may sound dumb or sound rational you're the judge but before judging let's walk into my shoes and let me explain why I'm asking these.

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I only want/love one thing in my life and the more I try to achieve it the harder it becomes for me and the further it gets away from me.

I generally never envy people nor do I compare but after years I need to do it and find my answer

I always found my life devastating and full of misery, eversince I was a little kid, I'm not here to nag nor to whine and I'm not the person, I'm mostly introvert if you will.

I never did bad to any person, I can proudly say I almost never lie (I admit when it strikes hard into my traumas I do but I'm sure i do it not as quite frequently as others do)

I never harmed any person, I never wanted to have sex and mostly saved my sexual energy.

I have a low ego I'm not saying I'm perfect of course if it was no ego I was not writing this but I can assure you its so low that'll surprise you. I do things because I love people, work labors without asking anything in return, I used to work 18 hours a day and you'll not believe it I never asked for money, I try to help people as much as possible. I usually never made fun of people and respected everyone, I tried to put myself in others shoe and never judge, but lately I'm becoming the opposite.

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Don Juan says if you don't have a huge ego you save energy, if you don't waste your sexual energy you gain energy, if you stop judging and comparing you gain and so on ... right!?

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I seriously did most of the things Don Juan mentions throughout his books when it comes to the way I live and deal with it.

aren't these energy savings (also known as personal power) supposed to bring luck and make the life path better? then why is mine getting worse everyday? I repeat I'm not nagging, I'm a super optimistic person with a lot of hope but this is fading already.

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other people (those that I know closely) seek sex, fame, money and power, they lie all they long, they think so much about themselves that their ears doesn't even hear when others speak. they do anything that is opposite of gaining energy yet they have way superior lives than me. why is so?

why those who waste all their energy, judge and compare, seek sex, fame and money, lie and act egoistic have better lives? if they don't have enough energy thus they'll have less luck. isn't it?

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I studied everything you imagine, Kabbalah (so much that I got into their groups in Bnei Baruch), I looked at Taoism, Buddhism, Islam, satanism, and any philosophy and mysticism you can name. believe me I tried to find the answer anywhere, none of them could be my answer they were all nonsense. none helped me a bit. Until I finally found Don Juan, I found it by accident I had heard the name years before but never knew what is was until one night I was bored and tried to search about it, but it has it's own story and is out of context.

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I tried to do things Don Juan tells Carlos in his books specially the ones that are mostly about the way you live because I found them in higher priority since they are the most practical ones for a beginner, I noticed I have been committed to many of these acts already without me being aware of it myself.

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guys don't attack on me, no I'm not talking Buddhism or anything else. I just want to know why some are happy and living a good life and some never get the taste of it.

if it can be explained in terms of energy then why those with the most spend the most energy too?

full of sex, money, fame, power, manipulation, control, hatred, selfishness

yet having better outcomes in their life?

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and finally what is the solution?