I’ll try and keep this brief and concise(but it won’t be), I don’t understand and claim no false magic, I can only speak for my experiences.
For back ground I’m a schizophrenic male in his early twenties. Been living in and out of different “state of awareness” for lack of a better word. As I got older this natural “magic” was repressed by the asleep humans around me. I started showing light negative symptoms of schizophrenia from 10-16 mainly periods of extreme depression and slight manic episodes. My parents just thought I was depressed. At 16 I became suicidal. It felt like I was carrying energies that just didn’t want to be here. So while I still wanted to live a majority of my psyche didn’t. After many attempts at pharmaceuticals and therapy it only got worse.
This whole time I was masking my schizophrenia symptoms and didn’t even know myself.
I was researching anything to help depression and came to microdosing lsd. Microdosing didn’t do anything but the first time I took a large dose and truly altered my mind it was like unlocking a door I’d been holding closed my whole life. I won’t get into the experiences because they are highly abstract, but through the process of tripping I came to build a framework of reality I’m quite comfortable and happy in. It made my schizophrenia truly come to light, the good and the bad. I would go on for a year on a spiritual quest of psychedelics and nature living in my car.
Nowadays I don’t trip ever but I do smoke lots of weed, in the early days she was an mother to me that opened my mind to the ways I was holding my energy wrong. Then she became a bitch older sister and would only show me visions and throw me into psychosis. And now she’s my other half. I don’t use any medication besides cannabis and it keeps me grounded and in line with the character I want to be.
Alright I felt that was necessary to explain before going forward. I’ve been reading Castaneda books for a few years now,I practice my own schizo bastard child of stalking and inner silence. And out of all my weird spiritual trials the teachings found here have been the most useful.
So I have two main questions. Am I in a bad state for sorcery because of my substance
Use? I’ve read it has effects on your energies shape. And most importantly I can to ask to apprentice under a practitioner. I feel the need to have communication with someone who has the perspective. I’d be ready to devote myself to intense practice.
Edit: not looking for mentorship but rather companions to share notes with. Planning on starting inner silence again and darkroom, and learning recap and tensegrity. What should I focus on and how much time ? Also thought it might be interesting I have no minds eye, aphantasia. As a child my minds eye would show me horrible things, like intrusive thoughts to the extreme. As I grew older my visualization went away and I stopped being haunted by my mind
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Everybody in here is very much a student. As such, if anybody is able to give advice, they will.
Judge for yourself if it's useful by actually implementing it.
And you'd be better off by purge yourself of the programmed need for that master-apprentice dynamic.
It's old school, and is no longer applicable to the realities of 21st century life.
Interesting I will say I’ve debated this post for years now, and I should specify I’m not seeking a master, just someone I can routinely communicate with and that can see my progress or lack there of. Something deeper then random Reddit post but less then a mentorship.
I feel the calling for the student master dichotomy comes from using mind altering substances and communicating with beings.
Check out the Discord
Okay well from my background what practices do I need to start? I’ll start the hard work, I’ll post updates as frequently as ya want. I’m not here for back pats or support I’m sick of my state of awareness and no methods are making a difference. I could care less why it works I just need more reliable magic, my “schizo magic” is unreliable. Real magic operates outside of human frameworks ime
Based on what you've related of your background, I wouldn't have much of a clue where you should start.
Stalking stabilizes the assemblage point. But that's, in large part, behavioral changes. And recapitulation is a behavioral change, in and of itself.
But then so is darkroom.
I guess what I'm saying is that all of our roads, in here, lead to the same place...if they're doggedly pursued with an every purifying intent. And they all require us to be stubbornly defiant and persistent in the face of the intrusive mind's interference.
Alright thanks for your advice, I’ve been talking on discord, got some info on cracks from power plants and possible healing through recap. So my plans right now are inner silence through stones, darkroom and recap. And add from there
I’ll have to look into stalking more, I could use the behavior changes. Might have to start that practice too
Marijuana pushes the assemblage point to the green line.
If you're starting off at the blue (on the J curve), it might be perceived as "helpful".
If you're in the red, then it reduces the vividness of the puffs and jet black swirls, by pulling you back up to the green.
But it's not really a big deal until you reach Silent Knowledge.
Then anything is a big deal. Unfortunately, even listening to music too much is a problem in Silent Knowledge.
You have to become a miser for energy over there.
LSD on the other hand moves the assemblage point to "the shift below". The deep red zone, and then horizontally which is even worse.
Too many times, and you'll never leave that area on the J curve.
Won't make it to the orange zone is what I presume.
But until we get someone who used it a lot and is a master of the red zone (walking through walls, shapeshifting for real, visiting the Allies in their homeworld), we won't know if using LSD too many times is more of an indicator of laziness and lack of interest in actually learning for real, or if it actually has a tendency to stop you from switching the assemblage point from back to front.
There's so many reasons nearly everyone fails to put in the effort needed, and no easy way to tie that to the use of strong hallucinogens.
Thank you for your reply, I’ve put real work into silence for a few months and was experiencing so many benefits, then got caught in the shit again and stopped practicing. And when I was using mind altering substances it was never for any other reason then spiritual growth. I had many rituals and practices and was in direct connection with inorganic energies. But I was guided to put it on the shelf and build my sober abilities. I’m at a point where I’m ready to put in the work. What practices should be my focus in your opinion?
Male or female?
Male
So if you remember a sleeping dream it doesn't count for anything at all, unless you also remembered to find your hands and look from object to object.
There's no path to sorcery knowledge in sleeping dreams, for men, unless they have enough rationality to find their hands.
Never was. The idea that dreams lead to sorcery was made up by the Castaneda community.
Who ignored the #1 instruction Carlos gave, for this activity.
Find your hands.
Everyone says they can do this, but no one succeeds.
Because you have to intend it like a son of a bitch. Obsessively, for perhaps 3 months before you'll win that battle.
And even then it's not a pleasant road. Four gates dreaming only produces a depressed and "submerged" effect on your daily life.
With "magic" levels that are as pathetic as closed eye meditation.
Men have to stick with waking dreaming, which will bring tears to your eyes at times, and which even makes you happy to be alive.
That's why it's a "path with heart".
Because there's real magic.
But to speed darkroom up, you need to study posts like crazy.
Scroll down and find pictures you want to learn how to do yourself, read the entire post text and that in the pictures, and then if you feel enterprising read all the back and forths.
Lear as much about what causes men to fail, as you do what causes magic to be produced.
Both are equally important when you have to teach yourself, as we all do.
Read posts until you can answer ALL of your own questions, and until you get tired of thinking about going off to do alternate things that potentially get you more attention.
That's what beginner males do. They try to seek favor with the grown "Chimp" tribe leaders, in the hopes of taking over the Chimp tribe themselves some day.
Maybe watch some "Chimp Dynasty" and look for the kiss up male chimps, trying to score points with the tribe leader.
Notice the sneaky female chimps, avoiding all of that nonsense, unless forced to march in circles to please the male leader.
You have to cure yourself of that tendency to try to seek attention from authorities, and also self-motivate by becoming fully convinced there's real magic available to you if only you work hard.
Then go learn some tensegrity moves to use during darkroom.
Life saver pass for warm ups. Don't doubt that one produces magic!
Trust me, it will.
Better learn it from Jadey. Even Cleargreen has forgotten how to do this pass, and teaches it wrongly. So do all the other youtube channels I saw it on.
They just do the ordinary Japanese morning exercise warm up version.
Pick out some "mashing energy for intent" passes.
The horizontal walking using the foot turning, the up and down, the "Paisley" move. The one where you knee left and then right. The one where you plunge the hands down while the knee rises up, and then stomp down.
Those make your energy on the floor visible. We drop "cobwebs" as we move along.
Learn "Zuleica's Pass", so that you can get the purple glowing stuff to start swirling. It will also allow you to perceive your "tentacles" when you reach the orange zone.
Then you need "Stellar Hatch", so that you can stretch your luminous egg. And learn to shapeshift into tree forms (no one has so far, but it's clear it will work once you can see what's going on).
Beyond that you need 2 more "long forms".
Pick two you like.
You learn sorcery by INTENDING to learn it.
That summons "The Spirit".
If you do a half-assed job and cut corners, it's not going to work.
Because you'll keep "intending yourself" back to the shitty normal world where you're currently stuck.
Women have it easier and can get away with all sorts of compromises, but then they tend to get distracted by something and go away for a while.
Chasing men perhaps.
Women with their eyes on a Dzogchen man, are royally screwed.
Unless they just keep them in a cage in a dungeon, the way Cholita prefers her men.
I’ve been looking for my hands for three years now in dreams, I’ve had it happen a few times but not consistently. The past year I started having lucid dreams spontaneously, I’d only learn to fly or float then I’d wake up. But recently in all my continuous dreams my dream ego knows he’s different then the dream characters and knows he can break reality and glitch to float. And all my dream characters talk about “he has schizophrenia and everyone is worried” “he’s so crazy no one understands what he says” mean while I’m acting totally normal in my dreams. It’s literally like their characters can understand me floating or telling them reality isn’t what they think it is. But when I yell or attach people they treat me like I’m back in the game being the crazy psycho their talking about. It’s a fun but twisted dreamworld. I see dreams and reflections of the inner mind. I’m trying to see my hands but it’s not as important to me as recap and inner silence. I’ll learn the magic passes too, im currently restudying all the relevant posts I can find
You have to find your hands several times a night, for years...
And hold dreams for hours, fully lucid the entire time.
Otherwise you can't make it to the second gate, to learn from the dreaming emissary.
Perhaps 100 times is my estimate for how many visits Carlos made to learn from the dreaming emissary, before he moved on to the third gate.
Which REQUIRES going directly in, from awake, using silence.
Unfortunately you're doing what most men do.
Assume you're making progress in sleeping dreams, when you aren't making any at all.
So avoid that kind of thinking.
Of course, if you do find your hands then follow instructions.
You need to capture a scout and get it to follow you around at the first gate, as an "assistant".
But you have to PROVE it's a scout, by dissolving any phantoms nearby with your gaze.
Until you locate the entity that has the bar of light inside, and can't be dissolved into nothing.
Stay away from sleeping dreaming. It nearly destroyed our community.
I haven’t been doing anything to try and make progress in dreams it’s just happening, only focused on trying to find my hands. Yeah it’s not a focus more of if it happens
Keep in mind, Carlos taught us that you need "discipline" and "impeccability" in order to fend off the fliers, who lock your awareness down to where you're obsessed with "me, me, me".
Meaning, obsessed with protecting a virtual person who exists only in your mind. A result of being hazed (raised) by a family.
It's the chicken coop (prison) we were born into, and everyone around you will enforce that you have to remain there.
This subreddit itself comes under attack to try to stop us from helping people escape.
When your energy rises up, you can visibly see it, and darkroom becomes a lot easier. It also becomes easier to walk off into alien worlds.
So you want it to rise up.
But what's "discipline"?
It's not beating yourself with a tree branch between sauna visits and jumping into 0 degree pools of water, as the Russians like to do on "vacation".
It's not what Monks have.
It's not even what olympic athletes have, or they'd be sorcerers.
It just means, you practice daily without fail.
And "Impeccability" just means, you don't waste that precious energy which is so hard to save up.
For greedy purposes. A desire for magic.
If you don't have those two, you won't be able to learn sorcery.
And worse, you'll get nothing but bad advice on what those are, from our very own community.
It's extremely easy to attain and do magic. Everyone's doing it constantly. There's just no consistent, lucid, understanding social awareness for the stuff we call "actual" magic, and people conveniently ignore, or justify with their weird belief systems, the magical effects constantly happening. Like literally anytime they feel something or breath or genuinely act with desire. They just call it being human. Which i mean the wording is correct its just that what they mean is wrong. The nature and brevity of the interactions are obviously magical and that's not what they see in their head when they mean "human"
It's yalls intent, or "reality", to "attain magic" from the "ground up". Through clarifying intent and not interfering with innacurate descriptions (silence), genuinely carrying out a whole intent without counter intent (stalking), suddenly becoming conscious of a total reality (sleeping dreaming), slowly opening up the body and consciousness to the total reality its currently a part of (darkroom/waking dreaming).
Uhhhhh it's really hard to try to get this right. The understanding is incredibly loose and I have to have a steady intent.
Oh yeah. The way yall do it genuinely represents the nature of reality in shockingly blessedly whole ways. But I think the intent is wrong. I mean not wrong intent is perfect. Just a little unhappy and unnecessarily gruff or controlling or focused on specific things, placing importance on this and that, when it doesnt need to be. Which isn't bad starting over doesn't matter because progress isn't linear, at all.
But my reasoning for thinking it's wrong is because it's not touching the rest of society/other ideas, and isn't a belief system arising from many individuals taking place together.
We're supposed to do what we want. Not practice in an effort at making what we want possible, using the rigid belief systems of others who "have magic" when we "don't".
The truth is its currently our intent for us to put effort into attaining "it" because of the effect us being total and doing exactly what we want would have on the "modality of the time". Everything would change very quickly and many people would go insane and if they're too believing of the "solid" reality they'll probably kill themselves. Intentionally or otherwise. Weird kinda result of their current self immediately and irrevocably being invalidated, amidst an unwillingness or genuine desire to hold onto the previous way or worldview and not change, be more real. It's crazy scary if you look at it in the wrong way, the mood isn't right, it butts up against beliefs and desires you genuinely hold from attaining societies current description very deeply
It's a matter of convincing people to believe in and desire experiencing their totality with innocence, genuine reality, then it was ever about imparting a specific description and getting them to practice.
What people lack isn't a specific description or method or intent, it's the willingness to live and be real and genuinely explore reality with all of their devices.
Which again is constantly represented in this practice and what so many of us are saying which is why I'm here so much, it just depends on that person's intent what actually happens when they see it.
Many people are genuinely looking for meager satisfaction until they die. "Sleepers". The only way to help them is with the nagual style of relationship where they can see and feel what they're missing and slowly attain their totality.
Convincing them to believe in magic, even tho if on this side we know what we're doing, is mostly going to put the wrong idea in their head. The idea that their life isn't magical and that it takes constant practice to get it.
All it is is a subtle shift in conditions and a desire to see one another and make each others dreams come true (an easy intent to move into because its desirous, and doesnt feel so alone), while being natural human beings on the planet, and that combined with the earnest intent of society to build and maintain the coolest and most ideal, for as many people as possible, socialization, understanding, and dreamlike union, the proof in the pudding will rise to the surface and everyone who has attained their totality will suddenly start agreeing with each other and we can all start over in a story that's actually earnest, loving, extremely adventurous and real. Exciting.
Everyone will be incredibly happy and doing an absolute fuck ton of "non-doings". Because they can actually see and feel their desires coming true in the flesh and right round them. Rather than constantly be working and stressing till death. Hoping. Looking. Realizing. Trying to get the right purpose. None of that. Just people being incredibly real and it suddenly being supported and justified to do so, simply for the love of ourself and each other
And the best part is that we will keep each other safe because all of a sudden, given more energy, life is incredibly valuable, and the willingness to die for bullshit utterly tanks. Becomes incredibly laughable and stupid.
Of course there's counter intent to this but I have been working on that and most people are innocent enough and rdy for this. And those that aren't are starting to realize that they're the problem, because they see this simple obvious happiness in others and they're like "why am I like this" LOL
This is all just stuff I felt like saying that I think is accurate to human development at the end of the day im not the Eagle or God so idk all the variables
And of course this intent or path or my prediction for humanities exploration of its desire, etc, sort of necessitates the existence of people feeling actual reality, doing everything they want and being "naguals". But that's actually not that hard. I just know for a fact it's not im still working out why I have such conviction that that is the case
i've had my fair bit of experience with lsd, frequent repeated uses will absolutely stick you in one zone, (ie you can get back a lot of the visual effect whilst sober just by focusing a bit).
but if you give a long break (ie a year) you get back to baseline, ie, things are the same as before you played with it.
at least in my experience.
maybe if you abuse it WAY too much there may not be going back to the usual baseline.
still, as much as i have loved psychedelics and think they may be great to show to people that there may be more to reality, i'm not sure that's something you wanna mix into practice.