Was looking in the mirror while trimming facial hair and kept noticing how old and dry my face looked. Just kept at it. Oh well. All of a sudden it stopped being important what I was seeing and it felt like I was doing what i want better? And my face suddenly changed. Face looked smoother and eyes looked more lit up. Overall felt like I was further away from staring at my face, but it looked far more real.
Seemed like my perception of myself was condensing me into a being I didn't want to be. Oh I'm just a man trimming his facial hair. I'm getting older. Damn. Look at those lines. Forehead spots. La la la la la.
And then suddenly I started to "move", like a tiny amount of personal power to go on an adventure after I was done, just want to go somewhere, or think different or something. Space in my head felt more real/fluid or emotionally invested in being something i want. And my face looked completely different. I couldn't describe myself there, it doesn't make sense, but it made sense to my desires and feelings. Just a little bit. Nothing crazy.
It's happened before where I'd stare in a mirror and try to see who's "really there", and its almost always shocking cause it wasn't someone I "knew", as soon as I "see" it, and there's a glow and I can almost see the meaning I'm feeling with my recognition of how IM feeling. Who I "am" in that moment. Like the way art just makes sense in a meaningful way. But you couldn't say for certain "why" or "how". Maybe a little. But not without getting too specific and losing it.
Went and smoked on the porch while thinking about it and realized the more I'm thinking about it as if it's something I should attain and stabilize or whatever. The more stuck and unwilling I felt.
Like I was becoming the person who wanted to think about me. Not the person who suddenly exists how he wants. But that's not a thing either. Thats just a way to try and "capture" the "process", saying those words.
The shocking part is how deeply it feels like my life could change. Just like that. And here I am tracking the whole process. Because I feel like I don't know who I am, and I want to be it. How ironic.
But the more it feels like I'm "being myself", the more it feels like I don't know anything about him.
And then I wondered. If I can suddenly exist however I want. Free of any specific thoughts or ideas. Why would I want to do tensegrity and think of doing those practices? Is it a means to direct oneself to greater freedom and personal power? To see magic? To comfort oneself when you feel like you barely know anything and keep forgetting what you're seeing because you're drawn back to a societally minded life, like how I felt at first looking in the mirror?
Or are we trying to invest in a magical relationship with the universe.
I'm guessing the second, and the first is a nice side effect.
It's very weird how hard it is to trust this place. Even tho when I said the second the lights flashed in this bathroom in a very mysterious way. Not like the way they usually do when something is happening. But in a "woah, this is awesome" way. Just like I saw myself, I felt the "air" around me when the lights flashed. And it had to do with me typing and wanting/believing in the second conclusion.
I think the fliers in us. Or societies counter intent to keep us all the same, see the "realness" of this place. And immediately jump to criticism and inventory warrioring and pretending and everything, JUST like happened when I saw my "realer" face. It immediately was stopped! And all of that stuff began to happen. Why??
Is it a fear of change? Is it a fear of losing each other or "ourselves"? A resistance to being seen? Is it because we don't want to fucking feel our death??
There must be a way to make this easier for people.
I commented a bunch of stuff under a previous post about how our reason just isn't unified with all of our devices or something and that's why we wouldn't immediately realize the lack of magic and personal power and fix it. And I think there is some truth to that because as soon as I connected my reason to my feelings of my body I could begin to consciously witness a lack of intent or connectedness. But I was afraid I was full of rubbish and deleted it.
But I'm thinking now and I think we're weird because we're not seeing ourself all the time with our sense of reason. Otherwise. Like I'm feeling a little now as my right eardrum just felt pinched, presumably because of the influence of a counter intent. It felt like I was "searching" for my real awareness to be placed in my head. Everytime I begin to really feel the lack of everything and don't use reason other than to "actually" solve everything about my life. I begin to realize and understand things like I should be on an adventure. But I'm not letting myself see the world. I should be able to know what's stopping me. But I'm scared of the pain. I should be able to do all the magic I've ever done right now. But there's this tremendous sense of vulnerability and not wanting to be misinterpreted and "changed" by society.
I think our reason technically should be able to see everything and that would fix insanity. But it would also completely change society. Because everything would be understood in an active process. And your thoughts couldn't not disturb others stagnating pains and lacks. Just as an effect of seeing it as an obvious issue.
7 Comments
This resonates with some of my experience, thank you for articulating it.
Your name came up again in the User Evaluation Chat.
The women there suspect that you lack seriousness in your activity in the subreddit, and it was suggested to be less tolerant.
And I just found you here, supporting a post that is complete mental masturbation and has no real magic.
I recommend you be conscious in your activity until you are clear about how to differentiate what is real from what is fake.
The best way to avoid that is to focus on the J Curve indicators, because they do not fail to identify when the assemblage point actually moved.
Ok
The stated purpose of this subreddit is to aid in restoring the reputation of Carlos Castaneda and the knowledge he imparted, by pragmatically applying that knowledge IN PRACTICE. This means that we are sticking to what really works, as proven by direct experience by long-practicing members. We need to make clear our intent to move away, as a community, from the mistakes others have made. Content that is at-odds with this purpose will, upon review, be removed.
Hello.
This is a practice-oriented site, where we avoid mental wanderings that do not lead to something solid.
The whole post sounds like you trying to convince yourself of making some work.
Pay attention to the subreddit, read the chats.
We have a serious practice group who follows a daily routine to go strong in the direction that was indicated to us by Carlos himself.
Your post sounds like someone walking into a math analysis class, where he rambles on about the reasons why learning math would be great.
Why don't you decide first, learn some basic math and then come back?
Because it seems like yall aren't learning magic. Magic is indescribable. Even the path to it. Unless you want to describe it. And yall aren't creative. You're needy. Remember it should have a heart god damit. The best yall have is accepting silent knowledge shows the answer. Which can be reached through the sense of clarity acheived by internal silence and non-doing. The best yall have is realizing your making mistakes and getting to the place of not making them. Yall seem oddly obsessed with your beliefs in any case. Thats not freedom. And are inspired when they actually work. Rather, when your intent seems to carry, and some of those beliefs are validated. It is pretty amazing, ill agree. The experiences. Most of them? Just having a kid or falling in love is just as good, in my estimation. Unless one of you know immortality. Of the human body, even. Even that doesnt change that silent knowledge is the reality all around and inside of us. Magic is present all around us at all times. And things just happen freely and desirably. And who's to say the numerous and amazing ways it is doing things.
We should all go off experience. And fuck sacraficing a loving sincere reason for what other people say. Until the moment it becomes useful. And then it flies right into your mind. How it should be. No wasted energy. A collected and unified intent and honoring what's really possible.
Yall have stricken a concrete path to "make it work". Or so it seems.
But who's to say that's the best, or funnest, or easiest way to make it work, for society. Work, function, become daily life, how you fully want it to arrive. Especially when yall aren't speaking with much personal power and silent knowledge. But "obsessed with the process". And constantly misunderstanding people who come here. Not "seeing them".
I would want to shape yall all the time.
That's a real interaction.
This is a bunch of teachers dominating their students minds with their personal history, isnt it?
I said my entire life seems free and can change quite easily for a very specific reason. I tied that into my body aging for a reason also. Immortality is possible. Oops. Said it too soon. We can't even see each other. Can we? I know it's possible because of how a graveyard smells. It's that simple.
I defined that our reason is somehow removed from the equation for a reason. It would KNOW. That we aren't seeing. And most absolutely find the easiest way to make it work. When it isn't being infected by "this is TRUE, believe MEEEEEE"
I shouldnt have seen that "transformtion" and "realized" it was something I must attain
I should have enjoyed the effect. And been encouraged to do it more and more. With creativity and wonder.
One of our many Infections. Stemming from a lack of crystal clear clarity. Fun. Humor. Happiness. Freedom. Unpressuredness. The ability to see how it actually happened. The ability to see WHY I'm even NOT doing it.
Instead I. Or something about me, or the totality of the situation, stopped it, made me stressed out. SADDDD. And I dare not define it to soon. For getting it wrong or bringing it out in an obsessive way. Or does it even matter? I can't see yall. I don't know for a fact who I'm typing this to. I can tell you'll probably be annoyed. Is that you or an aspect of you that can't see me. Making you not use me how it wants??? As soon as I intend it, I see something. And I behind to get something. But "who's to say it's true".
If that wasnt happening. We'd all attain magic, our totality, and our freedom QUITE freely. Happily. And peacefully. Without the need for a specific frame of knowledge. Which would unlock our creativity and desire to actually unravel our issues together which would actually make this a movement that carried across society.
Instead. Yall constantly have to convince others.
It doesn't feel good, I'd imagine.
I know why me saying all this would upset you. But then again. I don't know. You just don't want to use any potential power of my words. You want to control my path.
You'd rather convince me, that you're "right"
What if you didn't even care to be?
What if what you saw in the story of Don Juan and Carlos could be seen everywhere, in any person, in any sense of reason actually intending realistically and emotionally to capture the actual picture of our lives? Which. Realistically. Because of the absolute beauty of our lives. Is what we're all trying to do. All the time. Why are you better??
And then what if this clarity of an even, unobsessed reason. Made it so that you'd end up thinking of and actually going on new adventures and having new ways to touch others lives to make them see clearly again?
Carlos was just one person. A brilliant and dedicated person. But he isn't the source of all magic and "reality of the universe". Or the container of the direction of its use. He was just someone who found his totality. And did his best to make it easier for the rest of us. And damn him for trying, huh? Or is TOTALITY even how it works???????
Like all things in life. I doubt the issue was solely with all of the ones opposing him.
That would be highly disrespectful and uneven
If yall saw Carlos mistakes. You'd be able to see the mistakes of this path. If mistakes are even a fucking thing 🤣🤣🤣
But you only want to see what was right about it.
Trust me when I say. The planet can most absolutely show you. And so could the sun. If you can love it's power.
The sun would definitely show you, that even tho I betrayed it by being weak and alone. I never forgot to live in it's shadow. And I always wanted to befriend it. And I would do anything, to protect it. Because it gave me life and power.
That's real. Regardless of where I come from when saying it. The sun. And every human being. And every "particle" of this planet. Can not be denied.
And you have denied them repeatedly. By saying "this is how you attain magic. Nothing else works this well".
Solid and steady fear, or worry, of not having it. And a massive sense of betrayal in not having it. Is what inspired this.
That's the "mistake". If mistakes even exist.
But like yall have done before. You'll probably just deny me. Again.
"The best yall have is realizing your making mistakes and getting to the place of not making them."
What? I am now so confused...