Sorry for the terrible image, I barely managed to get some time to put a post together, but I found that it helps me to keep track of experiences, so here it is some of the latest.
Few days ago I didn't sleep for like 2 days almost due to crazy demand in my work and study. I finally went to bed after that and I thought it would be a good time to pay attention to the darkness. Closed all the lights and the blackout curtains in my room and just sat there. I started to notice faint thoughts surfacing as well as some internal dialogue, but unlike most of the other times when I actually set myself to practice, I started to observe they had not much power, I am guessing is due to the lack of tonal energy, which by this time was consumed and drained by me not sleeping and of course messed up brain chemistry, where my brain started to eat itself. After only like 5 minutes ( I am one of those that has a hard time falling asleep, all planets have to align for me to feel comfortable, so even after 2 days of no sleep I was still able to be in complete darkness for about half an hour before I passed out), I started to see extremely vivid colours moving around, even some light puffs moving with speed from one side to another in a horizontal way( btw anyone knows what those are???), blackness that moved, dots, textures, so many things, until, a light rectangle, almost like a tv screen appeared to my right and inside there was an image with two houses and a street, the houses looked weird and dark, dark windows, and the atmosphere was gloomy. The image looked like a screen because it had a light of it's own. At that point I wanted to be excited, but due to tiredness I couldn't care much. I maintained the image for about 20 seconds, and with one of my fingers I managed to kinda rotate the view to see the street, after that it disappeared and I was left staring at the crazy puff party, till I passed out....I think literally.
I know this is not actual practice because I literally did nothing special to nudge this view, but I was happy because is one of the first images, besides the bathtub one, that I got while being awake, as all my experiences had been during dreaming...
5 Comments
I think I got totally opposite situation. I almost always pass out into dreaming because of lack of oxygen in the brain and also extreme tiredness but I do get to see some light and images before I wonder off. I just can't keep my attention for long and I think is also iron and minerals deficiency.
Thats awesome, I mean not awesome that you lack oxygen LOL These kind of moments are great for teaching us how is supposed to feel.
Yes, I think we can do much more when we are in this state but the problem is we are not conscious 😄🙈
Eventually when you can do this sort of thing daily, it becomes even harder to drag yourself out of bed to practice.
So it's not like this isn't "real practice".
It's just more advanced.
I guess it's a little like when I wanted to learn to golf, hired a golf pro, but he refused to take me out on the course.
Instead, he spent weeks working on my swing.
That's what "practice" is, relative to actually doing a round of golf.
Of course, the golf pro was just being lazy...
Tiredness alters the internal dialogue, just as drugs do, so it's not surprising that your energy body would come out.
What drives it away is the nasty, grief stricken internal dialogue.
I wish I could bottle it up hahah! At least it taught me how it was supposed to feel, slowly chipping at this nasty voice! I did come up with a very useful technique for myself a few days ago, where I start to count to 30 and I observe how my mind start to talk on top of me counting!! When I count I can see how much time I was without talking to myself, on a good moment, up to about 20, I do not mean to replace the complete silence, but for me is a good beginner trick because once I can get to 2 minutes or more of not talking to myself over my counting, I can start practicing to remove the counting as well.
Your anecdotes are very useful.