Pretty sure that I am doing something wrong.
Every time that I do recapitulation and relive the memories, it makes me feel awfull. I come out of the session feeling like shit, like it's sucking energy out of me.
What is worse is that this feeling doesn't decrease with the amount being recapitulated, if anything it just re-opens old wounds deeper and deeper with each recapitulation of that specific memory.
Ehmm....what mistakes I am making?
19 Comments
Do the solar exercises too like breathing light and glitter gazing. You have a lot of trauma, so it's gonna be hard. You need to approach this in a gentle and consistent way. But you can do it.
Also make sure that you aren't just sweeping your head and reliving things. You need to literally breathe in the energy of the event. And breathe out the remnants.
Your mental agitation maybe needs a physical outlet. For example, Taisha Abelar’s breathing exercise was introduced at the same time as she was tasked to recapitulate. Similarly Castaneda had a lot of walking in his regime in the beginning of the apprenticeship. In seminars they always had movements before and after recapitulation sessions.
There needs to be a direct connection between the breath and sucking the energy out of the experience. You aren't just sweeping your head and reliving things and breathing and hoping. Literally breathe the energy in as soon as you've gotten as deep into it as you want to. That should remove the charge instantly. The only reason you need to recapitulate a couple times on some events is to get nuances.
The purpose of recapitulation is to recover energy from our memories. It seems like you’re doing the opposite, contributing more energy to old traumatic memories. https://www.reddit.com/r/castaneda/wiki/recapitulation/
Thank you!
You must find a way to avoid being stuck in the past when the recap session ends. Physical outlet as was said here, do some magical passes. For a period I biked up the mountains recapping.
I've heard of that with sexual trauma.
The witches told the women with that problem, to "skirt around the issue" for a while, until they got braver.
A while being, months.
Don't forget that you get to time travel eventually!!!
There's nothing like going tack to when you were 6 years old, and then instead of doing what you did at that point in time, you just turn around and walk away, to go visit old places you liked back then.
I don't know what the limits are on that, but you don't have to have seen something back then, to step away from the memory and go see it now.
It's not "all in your memory".
I suppose you could even follow your dad, and find out who he was having an affair with.
In my case, I'd sure like to know if it was Joanie Baker.
Carlos pulled a prank on me, and had me shake her hand.
At the time I didn't realize who it was.
You can be sure, she was told who I am!
Why did you use the word “suppose”, shouldn’t it be omitted in this case? It’s feasible according to the teachings.
You forget what I told you last time.
This isn't pretending.
How are you going to find your dad at just the right moment in his life, to follow him and notice he has a mistress?
You're still suffering from the "Superman Effect".
This shit takes real work!!!
And so far no one has figured out how you "locate" things in time.
I wish you'd do that for us... Since you seem to believe it's easy.
I can't recall ever locating my father during a time traveling situation.
In fact, most of the time I don't really even know where I ended up going.
I sense I ought to know the people, but can't hold the memory of it long enough to think about it later on.
I suspect last night, I visited a girl in my old neighborhood, from when I was 10.
But I'm not certain of it.
Holy shit that is possible?
Wouldn't you just need to recapitulate with memories relating to that time period?
I sure hope you read the books!
It's inevitable that you'll time travel during recap!
Which is very much like in this video, just past the womb dreaming part.
We just have a very lazy community which only pretends to be serious about practicing recall.
In general, they likely sit around thinking most of the time.
That won't allow the assemblage point to move.
If it doesn't move, you get no time travel.
If you get no time travel, the results are very poor.
I'll see if I have a picture on what recap ought to be like, when done correctly.
Just like in the books! There's nothing in those, we shouldn't be doing ourselves if we want to learn for real.
In the upper left of this picture, I found myself at a pizza parlor we ate at when the washing machine broke, when I was a kid and we had to go to the laundromat.
But instead of checking out 1960s pizza, I floated up into the air to look over the city for more memories to add to my recap list.
That's one method for finding memories you left off the list.
To go looking for them, in the past.
Our magic is amazing when you are serious and follow the instructions!
If you don't say "Holy Shit!" at least one a week, while you're practicing, hyu need to go over the instructions a bit to make sure you're doing it right.
Don't accept weak or pretend magic!
Yeah that is true. Others things out there feel like pretend magic compared to this.
Everything here is completely real.
So I have managed to see the purple buffs, hooray!
The session was going pretty well actually, then the demonic faces and images started appearing:
I saw a monster straight out of some fucked up japanese horror, it was disgusting only to look at and made me panic on the spot, like my brain just saw a viper in front of it.
After that the session was ruined because I couldn't get myself to relax.
Could you indicate me in which posts/comments you dealt with the issue of demonic faces? I remembered you talked about it somewere.
I'm afraid I don't have any links to posts. You could try reddit search.
Here's a picture of how to deal with them. Essentially you have to "wrestle" an inorganic being, before it becomes an "Ally".
Just as in the books!
But what it really means, is you have to change your reaction to them from fear, to curiosity.
They'll accept that too, and once they can't scare you anymore, they'll only try it out again if it's been a long time since you called on them to come visit.
Once you reach silent knowledge, calling the allies becomes trivial.
But they don't put on a show this wonderful, so enjoy it while you can.
It sounds like you're not breathing the energy in. Just reliving and sweeping your head and breathing and hoping. It's supposed to be tight, intentional and remove the charge immediately. Also, skirting around it like Dan mentioned is very helpful if you have bad trauma.
It's a systematic, detached review of one's past experiences over time to recover energy which requires objectivity and being grounded.
If you overindulge during this practice it could be counterproductive. Perhaps once you have recalled the event focus more on the breathing techniques.
If you are getting triggered maybe give it a break. It's not easy.
Recapitulating traumatic memories, ideas, and experiences isn't comfortable.
Suggestion: try to focus on the experience you're recapping, and not inject your current thoughts into it. Try to remember what you *were* feeling at the time, and analyze that. Not in a judging way, just try to understand what was actually happening.
Are you waiting for your breath to change before stopping the breath pattern?