Recapitulation is "the power of recounting to see parts of yourself you don't want to see, or can't see otherwise" Infinity, 60
I finished my first recapitulation a couple of months ago and now I find myself full of regrets for actions, mostly, that I didn't take. My memories about situations are plentiful: that person i didn't speak to, the job offer I didn't take, the lie about me I didn't confront. Interestingly enough, in each of these memories I can recall self-talk telling me which action to take, and then I recall doubting myself and not taking action, or dismissing it as frivolous, or facing an opportunity with apathy. It makes me sad. It doesn't help that my life has become quite difficult in recent years.
Trying to change courses, I've been trying to listen to my body as described in this Castaneda quote and make things better for myself. I've been setting my intent, but some things are so large the choices seem overwhelming. I don't know what will make a difference or me. I don't know how to come to terms with my life.
All I can say is, "Damn."
8 Comments
The sadness is understandable, but it doesn't have to be that way. The goal of recapitulation is to free yourself from the 'weight' of those memories. No matter how difficult your life is now, you are in a better situation because you can recognize those voices and act in ways that are more impeccable.
Instead of seeing at how much potential you've lost, look at yourself as having the opportunity now to choose based on your intent without doubts, procrastination, or indulgence.
Thanks you for the kind words. I'll change my focus and keep working on releasing my holdings on these events.
Another good practice is to get a kind of mask that you can use and then sit in front of a mirror and talk about one topic per day. It could be any of these that are bothering you. Talk about the things that defined you, your family, your job, the love you feel or doesn't feel, your best friend, your worst friend, enemies, thing that you like to do. Not only you'll be doing some sort of recapitulation, but you'll be separating that history from you, those things will no longer affect you after a while, they will all be related to that mask, not what you are anymore.
Thanks. I'll have to get a mask and try this.
I felt the same way! But I am glad for you because I know what lies ahead if you stay on your path, and I know you will because there is no going back.
The benefit of recapitulation is for you to feel the feelings that you didn't feel at the time of your past experience, the full range of feelings. While feelings are blocked, history repeats. Once feelings flow unhindered, you are fluid, light and free. Let your feelings wash you clean.
The most important awareness I gained from recapitulation was that each being I interacted with was really the same as my being, just acting a different part. All drama, loss and sorrow comes from the belief that I am separate.
what does it feel like once you no longer feel separate?
It feels like silence.
I felt silence before I saw your answer. I could feel you/or you conveying your answer/or I just felt the answer was silence. thanks.