Hi everyone,
I may/hope that I have been guided here to find completion of whatever this journey I’ve been set on is.
That is all.
-Z
Hi everyone,
I may/hope that I have been guided here to find completion of whatever this journey I’ve been set on is.
That is all.
-Z
333 Comments
Welcome we have been waiting for you. You can now leave.
Ok
Goodluck.
Thank you.
I welcome anyone serious about learning.
Read the wiki a bit, and remember. It's all about you. Not about someone else making it work for you.
You learn inch by inch.
But first find something to crawl along. Pick something.
I am very serious, I’ll start with the wiki and see if something pops. Thank you. I am very grateful.
Castaneda's recommendation was Recapitulation and Tensegrity for all new people. They build the attention and discipline which allow the rest to work as intended.
I’ve been working on a form of recapitulation for quite a while now but Tensegrity is not something I’m very familiar with. Does anyone have any thoughts on Don Miguel a Ruiz’s books The Four Agreements and The Voice of Knowledge? I’m trying to practice what’s in those right now.
He has a different intent behind his work than Castaneda.
Ok, that makes sense. With that information, I think I’m going to finish reading The Voice of Knowledge and start reading all of Castenda’s works then. I’ve been learning about this stuff for a very rocky 12+ years and I’ve been a lazy fool/egomaniac about it until recently where many new things have come to light. I’ll be reading the sources in the about about Tensegrity and Recapitulation as well. I still need to find the right wiki Dan was talking about.
I have many questions. I’ll try to ask them patiently.
Carlos said don Miguel was "riding on his back".
Meaning, separating people from their money, based on Carlos' writings.
Sorcery is very very very very difficult.
How could someone able to put in the effort needed, be so focused on other people and their money?
Interesting. I was unaware. Very fair point.
I've been thinking lately that recapitulation is an excellent path.
It's not good for me, because I'm trying to prove physical magic, to help restore Carlos' reputation.
Telling people, "Yea man, it was really cool!!! I was sitting inside this wooden box, and I had an amazing vision!!"
That's not gonna do it…
I have to limit myself to things that can, since there's too many things to do it all.
But for someone starting out, it might be the place to concentrate.
In recap you could learn lucid dreaming, waking dreaming, how to summon inorganic beings, how to open tunnels of light, and how to burn through reality with your gaze.
(Done those all myself.)
You could also explore why you want to learn sorcery, so you don't fall into the same trap with others, who had hidden motives.
Usually that amounts to neediness for attention from others, but I've run into people with very strange histories they only fixed with recap.
(Childhood abuse typically).
Taisha's instructions for recap seem to be more serious than my practices.
I can't recall if those got posted or not.
She treats each sweep as a complete movement from right to left, and back again, and seems to recommend to actually start with the head turned to the right. And likely end there.
She might have seen something I missed. That an incomplete pass leaves dust bunnies.
(Fibers of light that didn’t get sucked back, or exhaled completely.)
I would like to have a discussion and I’ll tell you in detail my journey up to this point if the spirit wills. I am unsure if I should share it publicly here or only privately on a case by case basis however. I’ll let you decide.
I had to give up direct chatting.
It kept bringing out the needy people, who if you don't keep giving them what they want, actually start to attack.
In that vein, be careful of the "my journey" idea floating around in your head.
I know that's very popular terminology, but it's a placebo.
A romantic notion that makes you feel better about yourself. It’s as if you are imaging a book deal for yourself, with thousands of admirers reading about how wonderful you are.
Like don Miguel.
Feeling better about yourself makes you less likely to put in the work required.
Cholita and I were in private classes with what she estimates to be 100 people, off and on.
They all quit. It’s just me and Cholita now, and she’s quite mad.
Nearly all had "my journey" floating around in their heads.
I'm still hopeful for 2 or 3 of them. And coincidentally, those are the ones who would rather puke than say, "my journey".
(I’m a contrarian, so don’t take it personally.)
There is of course the "path with heart" phrase.
It's a REALLY regrettable thing, that Castaneda people use that phrase so often.
It almost always means, that person has made no progress whatsoever.
It's what Carlos called, "mental masturbation".
There is a path with heart.
But it's doing real magic. The real magic is what gives the heart.
If you want to know what the heart part is, get yourself a little Fairy (an inorganic being you coax into a helpful form), and see how you feel when it poses on your hand.
And then actually smiles at you!
That's the path with heart.
Our bodies NEED magic, or they get out of wack and you feel horrible.
That's why "samadhi" is also known as "bliss".
All of us have gotten used to feeling horrible, so we don't even realize it.
Watch out for the placebos. The less comfortable and more insecure you feel in life, the more likely you are to practice so you can dig your way out of it.
It’s the homeless kids licking the food off the plates of customers as they leave, in the outdoor restaurant, who have the best chance to become “Men of Knowledge”.
Man of Knowledge simply means, you pursue learning.
And keep the mental masturbation to as low of a level as possible.
Yes. I’ve been having encounters I believe as of late. None with fairies.
I want to learn properly this time.
I’ve identified the selfish/traumatic reasons for wanting sorcery. There were quite a few, I won’t elaborate.
My current plan is this then; don’t read any more of The Voice of Knowledge, pursue information on recapitulation, Tensegrity, and allies.
I am going to start with the about of this page on those subjects (if there’s an allies one) and see where it leads me.
Thank you
It's unlikely you'd find an inorganic playing a fairy, unless you read my writings on them, and it influenced them.
Typically they show up as demons the first few times.
A person who's around me a lot sees the Japanese Oni spirits (Japanese demons created by the death of murderers).
But I do highly suggest finding an inorganic being as fast as you can. There's no surer way to move the assemblage point very far.
So the experience I had was this demon like scaled creature was trying to douse my campfire I use in my meditation in my mind. It attacked me after I made my presence known. The we kind of danced/battled I guess. I incapacitated it and it morphed in to a white dog. Then this glowing whitish blue orb appeared. It was like sucked in to it and then spit back out of it in to my hands. I didn’t know what to think so I ended my meditation.
Inorganic being, more than likely.
But one time isn't enough to figure out what happened.
And, to be blunt, doing things like this with your eyes closed isn't very satisfying.
There are scores of people in subreddits with that kind of experience.
What you want, is to see it with your eyes open, and then later to see that the entity can actually move objects, proving it's not just in your head.
That seems to be automatic with inorganic beings, if they aren't merely phantoms. Playing with them causes them to somehow learn to move physical objects in your environment, even if you don't realize that's going to happen.
It's not a matter of pride (although it's ok to be happy about progress), to look for "real proof".
It's to change your view of the world.
That requires something you can't explain away.
My favorite example is the shamanism forum.
Everything in there is pretend. That doesn't mean it couldn't expand into something more substantial.
But there's no push to do that, because the leaders they learn from can't do anything substantial.
So they're almost like Zen practitioners, where their "enlightened" leader tells them, "Don't expect to fly to the sun!"
I've flown to the sun a few times. I can't imagine what's holding the enlightened Zen masters back.
Certainly not the Buddha's teachings.
To check in, I’ve searched for rocks to help with silence and make power stones. I’ve left by a beautiful tree with a red lily at twilight. I will pick them up at dawn if they are ready, may take a few days.
Be sure to remember to keep them safe, once you use them a bit.
They become power objects, imbued with your own intent.
A sorcerer could hold them, and get some kind of a grip on you.
On the other hand, that might be kind of fun!
Lmao. Well, it may be wishful thinking but hopefully no one who stumbles upon this will be intending ill will on me.
But yeah, could be fun too 😅
I’ve realized that this is probably a 3 day thing. I’m going to speak different intent in front of the tree at dusk today and then dusk tomorrow. First intent is silence. I attempted to invoke infinity and yelled “INTENT” while speaking silence in my head at dusk. Right after I did that, maybe 50 yards away from me, a loud explosion happened. It startled me greatly. Snow has appeared and I need to clean the little area around my stones. I seem to keep hearing about gardens and tending the garden. I am tempted to get permission to garden the area around the tree. It’s just so beautiful and everything around it is dead. The snow doesn’t help.
Last night I was looking in to soul retrieval. I was trying to reach my double. Probably not the smartest move in hindsight. It was surrounded by danger it seemed and was too scared to come out but the scene was familiar. It was just like my last night terror that I had where I was surrounded by war and all I could do is curl up in a ball and hide. That’s where I found myself... I attempted a rescue mission and was able to will “me” to (loudly and obviously) escape. Exhilarating, yet not smart... I was... scolded in some other language by a hooded person... Again, all in my mind but I had some physical sensation while I was doing it.
I feel I’m beginning to get a hold on intent but still not quite there (short backstory is I’ve been trying attempt entering this world since I was 16, I’m 30 now but as in one of your posts, men are the worst and I really was horrible. I’m still bad but I’m less destructive.)
I’m learning tempo as well. The world has it’s own tempo and I try to force to rush through it instead of trust.
Full recap is probably the way to go at this point, I’ve been avoiding it for years. It’s a daunting task.. is there a way to make it less daunting? I heard you recap your worst, most traumatic memories first and then do the lesser ones (one way to do it) the other way is write down everyone you’ve met. I’ve been doing it the first way.
Anyways, good morning! I hope you are well. Thank you
There's nothing much wrong with "all in my mind". I just have a problem with it myself, because I need more physical evidence than that can provide, in order to restore Carlos' reputation.
But if you ever talked to a plant, and it answered, you know what "all in my mind" can be. It's a whole realm.
I never had any bad experiences during recap, or even life memories I was afraid to add to the list.
So I'm not a good person to ask about that.
But I'd say, consider it dreaming practice. You're trying to light up your dreaming skills by using gazing and breathing and remembering.
And so at first, it's not all that important what you start with. You first need to even learn what recapitulating can do.
I'll give you a hint: Imagine you're in your comfy arm chair, recapitulating, and suddenly you find your chair is now transported to the Valley of the Saber Toothed Tigers.
You open your eyes, and they're all around you!
I doubt Carlos brought his chair with him, but I have a particular talent for bringing beds and chairs into other worlds.
Gotta have something comfortable to sit on there!
I’m going to have to practice that lmao. I failed pretty badly when I tried, it’s almost comical.
I do think I’m a dreamer though. I feel I am capable of both however because I was forced to learn.
> I’m going to have to practice that lmao
Taking your chair with you?
You won't be lmao. You have to have "equanimity" to do that. Or at least, a little.
Wait... Ok. None.
I guess you could lmao, if you went the lucid dreaming route to accomplish it. But you won't want to.
For waking dreaming, lmao is very bad.
It seems that in sorcery, there are usually multiple ways to accomplish something.
My favorite hobby is watching supernatural movies, and seeing if I can figure out "how to do that".
Sometimes it seems impossible. Crazy.
But a few hours later, it dawns on me how to copy it. At least, something that looks just like what they did in the movie.
And in the case of taking the chair with you, it's pretty easy.
However that doesn't mean it doesn't take a lot of time.
Sit with eyes closed, force silence. Keep it up until you can see the room with your eyes closed.
That's a very common meditation effect, so it's not barking up the wrong tree to expect that.
Try to repeat that as often as you can.
You'll "saturate".
When it's stable enough, just lean in on the chair and drive it right through the wall, like a car.
Careful! You'll almost surely have attracted a scout with that kind of move. It's too unusual for them to resist.
If you get the chair outside and sense a scout, learn to go faster! If it catches up, leave the chair, stare at a distant mountain, and continue the travel by zooming.
I'm afraid to say, at that point you'll be lucid dreaming, instead of dreaming awake.
The tricky part is, you can saturate that way, by learning to see the room, or you can learn to manifest objects by saying a word, and then returning to silence.
If you learn to do it that way, you'll likely find yourself standing in the room, when you thought you were in the chair.
Manifesting objects leads to sleeping dreaming because you keep moving your assemblage point to entirely unusual positions. Each movement is a risk to blanking out, which occurs because what you were focusing on before, no longer exists at the new position of the assemblage point.
So manifesting objects pushes you into lucid dreaming. Not waking dreaming.
Manifesting objects is like fly fishing. You toss your lure out into the water and it lands on a new spot.
Waking dreaming is like wading in with a net.
Seeing the room is waking dreaming. You activate the second attention using silence, and it "wakes up". Which means, it opens its "eyes".
It wades into the water.
Use those, seeing the room, or manifesting objects, to produce an "obsession".
That'll assure you that one or the other takes place.
Moving the chair by waking dreaming, or by lucid dreaming.
Obsession is past saturation.
You want to pass the 4 gates? Obsession, obsession, obsession.
That's why the only proven technique to increase lucid dreaming, is to ask yourself all day long, are you in a dream?
For lucid dreaming, you need obsession. But better to get it through silence, then by talking to yourself all day long.
Some part of your waking consciousness has to move down there, into your dreaming copy. Or you won't become lucid.
Normal thoughts won't be enough.
We all know, what shows up in our dreams, is often something we were obsessing over.
You don't need obsession for waking dreaming.
Because you're awake.
There's no need to move anything, anywhere.
I'd go back and read, "Being in Dreaming", if I wasn't banned.
The witches were masters of waking dreaming.
I bet there are some wonderful waking dreaming examples in there.
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My most pressing matter is silence currently. I went on a walk and was lead to find a strange leaf that didn’t have a lamina. I took it home with me. Have yet to know what to do with it..
Spoke a second word to the stones that I’m “charging”
I felt a presence by them last night but I think they’re undisturbed.
Being in dreaming, is that a subreddit?
I usually like to dive in to things and try the hardest stuff first, fail multiple times and quickly learn to succeed. I don’t know if that’s wise or foolish, but I have learned a lot introspectively so far. I’ve been having stuff happen that I would call luck, but yeah, it’s getting interesting.
I saw my life story, or at least a good chunk of it. 😅😰
I’ll bring a chair later 😎
I want to show a picture of the leaf because I feel it has significance... it also mysteriously disappeared soon after I posted this.
It is this, this is where everything got messed up in me!
'From the above it should be clear that stepping into the unknown is an act which initiates the process of death, and the only way to do this safely is to embrace death. In other words, at this point in his or her training the warrior must be prepared to die to his or her old life in order to accommodate the transformational process. It is primarily for this reason that it is always stressed that the warrior must come to knowledge fully prepared to die, and that only if becoming a warrior is an act of survival will the apprentice be prepared to do what it takes to become a warrior.'
I was never a warrior and although I’m much closer to being one than I ever was, I still am not quite 100% there.
Sigh.
Where is this from?
It's not true in any way.
You can be the most crummy bastard on earth (I have a student like that), and if you learn to get silent, you can step into other worlds.
We're already doing that! That's how we got here!
Of course, we had a little "assistance" by our parents on the specific selection.
Damn. I got this from a Facebook group. I’ll get you the name of it. It was a quote from an author too. I’ll get you that name as well.
Well the quote made me feel slightly better about what had happened over the past 12 years but eh. It turns out I have multi-trauma one that uncovered itself today about me not being allowed to be myself... then the precluded anger carried for 20 some odd years
I’m working on the silence I swear 😬😬😬
I got it from the shaman circle, Toltec hands Facebook group
I think it’s from this book https://www.amazon.com/Mists-Dragon-Lore-Toltec-Teachings-ebook/dp/B01HCT84OU
The Facebook group that seems to be really good is NAGUAL
I want to be a good pupil really badly. I’m doing things and I have no idea if they’re right or wrong but if I get scared of my own thoughts, I can’t do anything right.
So it was made up, and not ever in one of Carlos' books?
I thought it untrue because it sounds like the usual "impeccable warrior" cosplay.
That's where you go around saying things like that, to make yourself feel good about something you can't even do yet.
If that's not in the books, I'd stay away from that group like the plague.
Remember, sorcery is all about the mastery of intent.
You go down a fake road, and you've hooked to fake intent.
Which means, it'll be twice as hard to do anything.
No gifts.
I’m usually really good at rejecting previous things that I put in to my brain. I just was drawn to it because I’ll be honest, I had my first manic (psychotic even) episode when I was 18 1/2 and ever since then the Casteneda stuff that I had learned was constantly spoken and forced into my brain by my own uncontrollable doing. I couldn’t make it stop. I had to learn how to do what I was saying to fix it. I saw eyes in the clouds and trees always looking at me. I would see what seemed like animations when I able to shut my brain up for a little while. That began 12 years ago
I’m extremely stable compared to any other point in my life now but I am on meds which probably prevent me from things in sorcery.
My biggest fear is being able to achieve dreaming and then dying or not being able to get back. It’s messing with my intent.
Meds push the assemblage point a bit, using the body's design.
That's how they work. They're sort of power plants, in pure form.
They won't prevent sorcery. But they add something to it, which isn't actually useful.
For instance, marijuana in 100mg doses will surely produce hypnogogic images, if you lay in bed and relax. Not sure if you have to close your eyes or not.
But the hypnogogic images are not as useful as the ones you can produce without the drug.
In darkness, those will appear on puffs of purple light, and you can scoop them into your hand, blow on them, feed them energy by scooping it onto them (see Taiwan Chi Balls post), and turn the flat hypnogogic image into a 3D form, which seems to be solid.
They're "detachable".
The ones produced by marijuana seem to be part of a larger matrix. It's as if you're viewing a screen above you, and images can float along it.
I don't see how you could detach any and make use of them.
Maybe you could talk to the beings you see in the hypnogogic images, but they'll be scrolled out before you get a chance to look for a response.
You need to interact with them, to get anything cool to happen.
In the matrix, that's hard to do.
But there's probably a way. I just don't know it.
It's more like a limitation at that point, then it is helpful.
Yeah, that’s my understanding as well. My first psychotic episode/manic episode and the next couple were all brought on by a combo of marijuana and aderal. They diagnosed me at a young age with ADHD and then I had to grow up on stimulants. Bipolar at 18 1/2, and finally CPTSD a few months ago which probably actually explains away any other diagnosis.
I’ve been sober from everything now except caffeine and the drugs that I’m required to take for almost 2 years. I can tell you the drugs I take but the general consensus is that my “hallucinations” are brought on by my emotions which I have always been extremely sensitive. They put me on a mood stabilizer for that. Antidepressant to prevent the mood stabilizer from overtaking everything, and a stimulant to help with the ADHD.
I’ve worked very hard with to understand my personal history and I think I’m done with the parts that were really holding me hostage which is what brought me here to this subreddit. Now, I have the rest, less serious stuff to work through.
My intent was to infuse this stuff in to music to help people around the world overcome what holds them back. I also wanted to be famous. I see how vain and horrible that is having attention like that. I was absolutely wrong in wanting to be famous. I ended up taking a 10 year psychotic vacation instead and that was how I learned the idea of “wrong reason, wrong result”. Now my intent is to be the best version of me that I can be and to truly live. To stop wasting time and hopefully have fun along the way.
Edited 2 times
Last thing, I really want to meet longer than just a short time the guy I saw in my dreaming when I retook whatever was missing from me from my hellish night terror land that really wasn’t that hellish after seeing it as an adult... a playful person in a blue and white tiger mask and a dull green cloak with a hood. I want to thank him... and apologize for being so reckless haha... 😬
Also I was practicing with my stones today and I started seeing some weird flashes with my eyes open. Took a while to get there. Some whitish haze was in front of me too. Then it got really really hot.
Honestly, when I was completely off medication I would constantly before I go to sleep feel like I was slipping out of my body and I thought I was going to die and I would resist. I guess now I’m learning that that wasn’t something to resist...
Sounds like:
A. You're just talented.
B. Your assemblage point is flexible, possibly due to something not so good in the past. I know a woman who's assemblage point is super flexible, but it's because her mom used to give her LSD when she had a cold, at 12 years old.
C. You're somewhere in between being literal in your descriptions, and accepting daydreams.
When I was in Carlos' class, and doing as much as 6 hours a day of recap, any thought I had would manifest for me if I closed my eyes. But I was somewhere else, viewing it. The same way a 4 year old with a toy airplane can literally see it flying around, when he's in the bathtub. He sees it, but also, not really.
It's a grey area, and not quite the same as actually seeing the blobs of colors.
Almost, but not quite.
As a path, I don't know that one. It's more feminine to intuit seeing, rather than see seeing.
Howard Lee does that. He doesn't actually see what he sees, and yet he can describe it fully.
Which makes me wonder, how does he amuse himself?
I can summon the intent of sexy women, and they manifest for me right in the room.
Takes 3 hours of perfect silence (well, almost perfect) to get that sensitive, but it's very amusing when you can really see the things.
My dad thinks my assemblage point isn’t sticky. That it likes to move. If anything, I’ve been practicing the opposite of moving my assemblage point for 12 years since I’ve been so scared lol. I thought the eagle was going to eat me. I think now I understand that it’s a little different and not so black and white. Also, the sexy woman thing, awesome haha.
Last night, they were VERY bad girls.
Bahahaha very nice
Oh, I never replied to the ABC
A: I would love to think I’m talented but I don’t know if that’s the case. How would we even compare? Do I need to know if I am as well? Does it matter if I am?
B: is probably true but I haven’t been able to see what I actually look like so I can’t observe. It’s something I’ve always wondered. I see bright outlines of people sometimes when I’m talking to them. A few times it started to become bigger but I always looked away after that happened.
C: What I was seeing was with my eyes open staring in my dark room. I can see the static of the picture I see always if I decide to focus on it. I see shapes usually squares or triangles that move across my vision in bunches sometimes with changing bold red, blues, and yellows inside them (saw it yesterday) and sometimes I see circles in the same fashion but their colors are more bland and are like shifting purples and beiges. Haven’t seen the bland ones in a while.
Yea, it sort of does matter if you're talented.
It's so much work, that without at least a little talent, I don't believe anyone would do it. As evidence, I'll point out all private class students failed.
If they'd only put in the effort, they'd be in here posting with me.
Maybe that's why intent gifts us occasionally. It notices how hard we're struggling, and tosses us a bone.
But having talent is like knowing where to dig up a few bones of your own.
You can see all that in darkness?
So now, the thing to know is, your assemblage point is fixed here by the internal dialogue.
If you're thinking, "Man, that guy really pisses me off. I should have said..."
You're here. Right here. Where else does it make sense to have a thought like that?
In this world. So your assemblage point will move back here, so you can indulge in anger and self-pity.
You have to shut that off!
The colors will pull your assemblage point in the right direction. That's why we seek them out.
They're sort of like thoughts from the second attention. If you think those thoughts, your assemblage point moves over there, to make sense of them.
But sounds, sensations, heat or cold, coming from the second attention, would all work just as well.
What I'm saying is, unless you can silence your mind, all the talent in the world won't help.
Unless you're a woman. They only need to gaze, and try their best not to be fretting about whatever is obsessing them lately.
My first girlfriend was an amazingly talented witch.
I didn't know that at the time, even though I was a fan of Carlos' books.
The way I know that is, we were both practicing a mellow form of meditation. One where you simply repeat a nice mantra over and over.
I used to open my eyes to see how she was doing, and she was staring straight ahead, eyes open, completely blanked out.
At the time I thought, she isn't doing it right! She can't even manage to repeat the mantra for the 20 minutes the technique called for?!
But actually, she had super talent, and went straight into the second attention just because she altered her internal dialogue by repeating the mantra.
She didn't learn to get silent. All she needed was to interrupt the normal dialogue.
In your case, talent isn't enough, so you're screwed. Men have to learn to get silent.
But having talent means, the benefits of silence will be easy to observe.
Well, yeah, of course having talent is helpful, silly me. My dad has talent I think. I believe I’ve struggled for many reasons but a big one was because I was resisting everything and was traumatized. Now, since I’m not fighting it, interesting things are happening.
I was reading your shifting perceptions notes and I had come to similar conclusions about silencing the internal dialogue and I pretty much recap on site (without the movement which is probably why it took so long as you said dust bunnies). To have someone reinforce that theory I had makes me feel much better.
So last night, I wasn’t using my stones, I decided to try to get back to seeing things. I had my eyes closed this time. I was achieving silence a lot more frequently and then recapping nudging thoughts, and I did it for what seemed like a while. I had scenery flash before my eyes. Faint purple “clouds” in my vision that didn’t seem to dissipate. I had some weird vertigo moments (I usually resist those and I didn’t this time) one of them was like feeling like I was doing a forward cartwheel. I let it happen and that’s when I saw like forest scenery for a split second. I was getting so excited and determined.
My gf was asleep next to me and eventually as I was getting closer and closer to something, I could feel it, she rolled on me and laid on me and I found it harder to do the things I was trying to do. Then in her sleep and said “it’s not a sprint, it’s more like a marathon” in her sleep.
I took that as a, calm down Zac, maybe you’ve done enough for tonight.
But I was super excited for sure. Things were happening that I wanted (unpredictably) vs things that I didn’t want happening. I was eventually in this mental place with faint, fragmented, and incoherent internal dialogue along with me quickly shifting through many of my memories. This started happening after she laid on me and kind of pulled me back I guess.
I hope this is a good thing!
🤩🥳
Sure, but you have to do that hundreds of times to get anywhere.
Just make sure you don't set up a sorcery looking web page, and charge people for lessons now that you can do something on demand.
You don't have anything to sell, until you realize why taking other people's money is the kiss of death for a sorcerer.
No, I’d never do that. My belief is that this stuff is too important to not share. Charging for it is ludicrous in my mind. It doesn’t really make sense. Even in my idea of adding psychology and sorcery to lyrics and music, I wanted to give it away for free and get it in front of as many people as possible. I would make money other ways like by merchandise and shows. Or by saying that if people think it’s worth something, they can pay what they think it’s worth. Otherwise it’s free.
With that respect, I was wondering how it ends up being the kiss of death. I definitely see what’s fundamentally wrong with it but are there other energetic issues that I’m not seeing?
It's the mindset. Obsession with other people, with sales, with all the stuff that goes along with it.
I can smell a book deal mindset in the people here.
It's a syntactic command. A trap to pull you back to the first attention.
A better analogy would be, a small child obsessed with getting a certain toy you have.
He can be sweet, reasonable, even have seemingly normal interactions with you.
He'll lie right to your face, saying, no. He isn't interested in that toy. He might even believe that.
But you know, all he cares about is that toy.
Even if it destroys his happiness to get it.
The music is 50% book deal. Be careful.
Obsession with attention from people is the kiss of death for learning sorcery.
You have to want to learn sorcery. You can't have another goal in mind.
(Mostly).
Yeah. That explains a lot. I wanted to learn sorcery when I was younger. I felt I was on a path to it actually. Then it backfired because I wanted to learn sorcery and then bunch of other conflicting things as well. Things that were buried in my psyche. Traumas.
I’ve found myself questioning quite often if I even want to continue pursuing music as a career. It doesn’t seem to be the case anymore if I’m being honest with myself. I want to have fun more than anything right now. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be completely healed and open to the realm of possibilities. Allow the ebbs and flows of the universe to guide me. That’s what I feel I want currently.
My version of fun really isn’t attention and adoration from people anymore. That was inputted in me. That was an addiction. This stuff, like what happened last night, was some of the most fun I’ve had in a while.
YES!!!
Exactly.
We all have stockholm syndrome from our parents.
We're obsessed with our captors.
Other people.
That's why don Juan told Carlos to check into a dingy hotel, with a brick wall out one window, and a filthy street out the other.
And stay there, until he didn't care about having the company of other people.
I got lucky. Autistic people are creeped out by other people.
I never had to learn that lesson, thus I was never interested in book deals.
I apparently have self image issues still haha.
Dan, personal question, did you ever have to pay Carlos for the workshops? Or did he just get everyone together.
If it’s out of bounds, I understand.
I’m just kind of in a situation that I’m interested in that info.
Apparently I’m a 2 prong 😬
I paid for workshops (I flew all over, and attended all but one).
But not for private classes. Of which there were far more.
Cholita paid for nothing.
The whole point of the workshops was to fund Cleargreen.
Carlos didn't need money, but he had a bunch of women depending on him.
He held private classes for at least a decade before I got in, and he didn't charge for those either.
Not sure where the people went, but undoubtedly they gave up, like everyone from my crop.
Don't get me wrong about the "book deal mind".
Once you really are a sorcerer, there might be a good reason to charge.
But until then, it's a really ugly thing to do.
Yeah, as I’ve been searching in other outlets as well, I’ve seen that the book deal mind is everywhere. :(
Carlos called it, "The Flier's Mind"
He invented a mythical creature to provide us with a "worthy opponent".
Everyone in private class knew he just made that up. He didn't even try to do a good job. He lied right to our faces, in such a way, we'd know it was a lie.
But oddly, now days no one recalls that part of it.
For cleargreen, it was a money making promotion. Young people still write to me 25 years later, terrified their developing schizophrenia is caused by those fliers.
But I know why Carlos did it.
Students suck.
Any excuse you can find to criticism them, without directly pinning the blame on their self-pity and anger filed egos, is a bonus tool.
He had Kylie convinced water was harmful to her, in order to make bathroom sharing easier.
He convinced Reni that sugar was evil so he could complain when they were behaving out of control. There's always some sugar in your recent past.
She's so convinced that her COVID19 message to followers is to avoid sugar.
Interestingly, I just heard from the Taiwanese Bosses' son, that the monks over there are getting fat.
To avoid getting fat, they have to stop eating at 5PM.
But after 5PM, they're allowed beverages.
I'm afraid, they're going for the Big Gulps.
That's what's wrong with sugar. It's easy to consume calories.
It doesn't suppress your ability to fight a virus. It doesn't make you hyper.
Both ideas have been fully discredited.
I typically use stevia now when I can instead of sugar. Soda is one of the worst things out there. Empty calories, chemically engineered, etc.
It’s funny, I actually thought fliers were causing schizophrenia as well for myself. You are meeting me at what I would call the end of that phase of my life thankfully :).
As for covid, I’ve tried creating a barrier for myself to prevent infection. I have no idea if it’s working and it seems when I go to check on the barrier it’s always halfway dismantled and I have to rebuild it. I had created a barrier to protect myself from beings and dangers as well when I was younger but I’m learning to trust more through these practices. I’m pretty sure it’s relatively dismantled.
I was told that I need to let go of my image of self
I was also told that I needed more energy. That all of the things I’m really trying to do right now are great, but they won’t happen if I don’t get more energy.
I’m also being semi obsessed with the ideas of prongs and chambers in the luminous cocoon. I feel that I need to let it go and that it’s part of that image of self. I don’t quite understand just yet but I think I’m getting it.
Lastly, I’m being told that I need to take it a little more slowly. Opposite of my personality which likes to dive in head first
Also,
what Cholita said is hilarious.
You don't know the half of it.
How about, "You looking at my pussy??? Or is it my titties you really want? How about this?"
Tongue wiggles in the middle of her mouth, like a 1960s Mexican sex bomb.
"I know you, you miserable bastard. Perverted old man!"
I keep trying to explain, I'm celibate.
So it changes:
"So, you can't get it hard? Or is it because no women would have anything to do with you???"
I've put pics of my many young girlfriends on my phone, so I can threaten to show her. Each one calling me every year or two, to see if they can come live with me.
"Then take your pick!", she says. "Or I'll find you a mate."
Which she tries to do, in the grocery store. She goes up to anyone she finds suitable, and gives them a sales pitch.
"You're just his type", she says. "He likes Asian women. Boobs are a little off for him, but you'll do."
What a good friend!!! Hahaha. That’s great. I wonder if the day will come when I can give up sex
I don't believe it's the sex you have to give up.
It's women.
I had a talented student. He doesn't need me anymore, but there's no guarantee he'll continue.
I emailed him something Carol Tiggs said about the difference in how women learn, vs men. I was hoping, some day he'd teach in my place, in case no one else puts in the effort to learn enough.
His wife didn't like it.
So she had him attack me. She reprogrammed him on the spot, and he didn't even realize it.
He told me to toss out Cholita (she'd die), and find a "good" woman.
It's probably the relationship that's the issue, not the sex.
Women who show an interest in sorcery seem to ALWAYS looking for a relationship with a spiritual man.
We might have an exception or two in here. Or it could be the wisdom of age.
But the ones I keep talking to, who are still not old, are always like that.
It's not a problem. They intuit that's the fastest way for them to learn.
But they'll overwhelm and re-purpose the men.
There were men still in cleargreen when Carlos died.
They got overwhelmed. They should have led the women into controlled power, but instead they faded away.
Carlos' ally taught me about that. Told it to me through the voice of seeing.
Or at least, he watched. Not sure how much he helped, other than to keep my assemblage point in the right place long enough to get the answer from seeing.
Women re-purpose men. That's what they do.
Not that we usually mind!
My girlfriend did repurpose me a lot haha, but in the right direction. Now I resist a lot of her. She’s not in to this stuff at all. Just the stress of the relationship sometimes can take its toll. She tries to take control of the relationship and everything, but you can’t control something that is completely free. That’s how I treat her anyways. Free to leave or free to stay. I’ll live either way
Interesting. I’m quite aware that. How does it overwhelm a man? Maybe I already know the answer to that if I dig in to my exes... this one women. I knew she was so powerful and capable. She ended up enchanting me and destroying me. I refuse to let that happen again haha.
Gotta be honest, tonight is not sitting so well with me. I see like black streaks from the left corner of my eye. It looked like it wanted to envelop me. Then I felt a sharp prick in my back like the tip of a blade. I don’t understand why. I also saw a purplish orb for a split second. I wasn’t really trying to do anything either.
I think I received an answer from this. My will is not impeccable yet. I had too much doubt and I felt I didn’t have enough energy
Not only that it happened after I decided something. And then later this morning, I came to the same decision and I don’t think I’ll hat that decision is the right path. I ended up breaking something by accident
Being afraid, or thinking you got injured trying to meditate, is "the fliers mind".
I never had it. I'd love for something to prick the back of my neck!
How wonderful!!! Even better if you bleed, or it leaves a scar.
That's called, "physical proof".
In my experience, people have all kinds of excuses not to learn.
Some want to learn "the right thing", so they never learn. They spend all of their energy pondering how right they're going to be.
Some want to be known to have learned, by their peers. So they can take their place as "Dr. Strange".
Don't you just hate doctors, who insist you have to use that bizarre title?
Insecure much?
Then there's the type of work avoiding sorcery student, who makes up things to be afraid of.
Problems.
I suspect they just want attention, and their mommy only gave them attention, when they cried.
Don't be like that. Even if you are.
I am like that unfortunately, I am aware of it and am constantly stalking myself to break that habit. Last night just put me in a panic. After I woke up this morning I understood and knew that I shouldn’t be afraid but I probably need more power first. I think it’s related to me trying to move too quickly.
You can't break that habit.
I'm an angry bastard, because my mom is a paranoid schizophrenic, like Cholita. But she's high functioning, Cholita is completely dysfunctional.
And now homeless hundreds of miles away.
I can't change the effects of my upbringing.
But I can get silent, so that it's only an interesting reminder not to go back to being like I was, by resuming an unchecked internal dialogue.
You HAVE to be silent all day long. Not just try for a half hour each day.
But trying for a half hour each day causes you to understand what needs to be done, so that some day you get fed up, and just stop it.
"How to See Energy in Three Weeks" explains how that feels as you do it.
Once you have achieved it, you get to spend a portion of the day in heaven.
And in dark realms of magic, at night.
One of the fears most people have with regards to mental silence is if they don't constantly fuss over and remind themselves of their past they'll somehow lose themselves; their identity or memories.
"We've collectively become more concerned with having than being," to quote Morgan Freeman in Lucy (2014).
Our past doesn't ever disappear. Every single thing we, or even a wombat 10,000 years ago, has ever done or thought or felt...is forever part of the cosmic ledger; right down to the most superficial of details.
Silence is getting practiced at dropping our attachment to the mass of our life history, not the history itself. That can NEVER be lost to us. Our own bodies are the key, and the fabric of the universe the storage medium.
Memories, no. My russian has come back to me surprisingly well. I was watching a movie that had some scenes in Russia, and I could read the street signs and follow the dialogue.
That's because I could get silent, so I could find those memories easily.
I memorized 6000 Russian words, in order to learn that language. But I never got to stay in Russia for more than a couple of weeks, which is not enough time to retain the language.
Being silent makes it easier to look up memories.
Lose your identity?
Wouldn't you want to????
I suspect, if all goes well, the stuff in here will become history, and scholars will discuss it.
I hate to tell some of you, you're going to be on the buffoon list.
I know because I can see it, but also the Taiwanese Bosses' son occasionally glances at some of it, and comes to ask me who that idiot is, and why can't he see what is obvious to everyone else.
He'll forever be the noisy internal dialogue guy who just never got it, no matter how much help he or she got.
Or, it could all fail, as it did with Carlos.
One of the most poignant questions we can ask ourselves is "Who would you be if you forgot who you were?"
If you're practicing sorcery, it doesn't remain a hypothetical postulate...finding out what's under all the socialization and real or manufactured trauma.
I can answer that to a large extent. From being around Carlos a lot, and from being able to get fully silent (after 3 hours).
You turn sort of "zeny". You become what seems to be somewhat intolerant, but the intolerance is of noisy thinking and fussiness.
You have peace, but if you get around someone normal all they want to do is fuss and talk and vent.
And if you try to fix that, you seem rather preachy.
Preachy in a way that seems arbitrary to them, unless they hang out with you for several years.
Then they start to get it, and one day they actually say, all by themselves:
The entire world is insane!
So here's what it was like for Carlos, arriving to private class.
He looked out, and realized, they're all hopeless. Crazy, angry, bullying, stuck up, and not here for what they claim.
He called it, "Mental Masturbation", and if you read the comments in this subreddit, you'll see plenty of that.
People even get angry, and insist you have to masturbate in a way that satisfies them too.
Each has their own, "special technique".
Some want to be "embraced" while masturbating. Some want to discuss nuclear physics.
Some get turned on by unicorns (it's the horn).
But Carlos made the best of it. He was a stalker.
At each workshop where he saw me on arrival, he'd come over and give me a big hug.
I suspect he knew, I hated that...
Other's loved it. Especially the women.
Or the men with book deals on their mind. You could hear, "Cha-Ching$$$$$" when he gave them a hug.
It had a side effect benefit I kind of liked, although Carlos took the fun out of it by telling us to be celibate.
If you got hugged by Carlos at a workshop, later on there would be beautiful young women standing around you in a little circle, smiling.
It was pretty obviously, "take your pic and give it a shot".
Everyone is there for something other than they say or believe.
It's almost like they all claim to be impeccable warriors on a quest for freedom, but in fact they're coming because there's a Churros vendor in the parking lot.
Edited four times to offend as many as possible.
My gf thinks I’m preachy all of the time. I don’t understand, but she gets offended if she drops an egg on the floor.
You had me at the last sentence bahahahahaha.
I’m definitely going tell my friend of 10 years that he mentally masturbates.
Also, fun stuff today. I had to work through another trauma. Very painful one that I didn’t even know I had. The other ones I had had hints about, this one was buried so deep and I believe has to do with why I was so scared. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Definitely wanted to see the meteor shower tonight but everything is overcast. Saw a very large and detailed tiger face in the clouds though. It was trying to tell me something but I don’t think I picked up what it was..
I was told I was definitely low on energy, that I was a two prong/chamber (I thought this was normal). The person said 2 chamber is rare, one chamber is normal so idk what to believe now.
Since that thing I told you about with the darkness that kind of freaked me out, I was shocked by everything I touched today, static wise. Also, where the sharp point touched me hurts really badly if anyone touches the area. I have no idea what’s up with either of those things.
Finally, I know I don’t say it enough, thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
You worry me a teeny bit with this kind of thing.
But fortunately, you have a nice thick skin, and don't get offended.
That makes it easier to help you out.
We had a guy in class, a tall European man, very stiff, very handsome.
The women loved him.
He was obsessed with omens.
And with being a "warrior".
He failed to learn even the tiniest thing. He spent all his time pacifying his mind with omens and such.
Or pondering what kind of lineage he could belong to, the sort of mental poison coming from Armando.
BUT, I must admit, you do get confirmations from the environment.
It's intent, trying to steer you in a helpful direction.
Just, be a little careful about thinking everything is trying to tell you something.
That's one of the symptoms of schizophrenia.
Cholita does that to me all the time. If I cough she says, "Oh, so you're saying I'm sick in the head?"
(I miss Cholita badly.)
Yea, but doesn't that make a cool story to tell people?
Witches in the Eastern Bloc commonly suffer from injuries inflicted by their necromancy demon.
I have no idea how that works, but I experimented with one and told her to just let the demon kill her.
Instead of being nasty, it started being friendly.
Sounds like an IOB to me.
You’re probably right. Yeah I used to think everything was a sign and everything was related to me. The way I see it now is if I notice it, I might get something from it but I have to approach it from silence. If I can’t do that then it’s probably trauma or bad data that I’ve inputted into my brain.
Essentially, if I didn’t get it then, I’m not going to try to get it now. If it’s important, it’ll come back and make me get it.
I remember that story of Casteneda running from an IOB until he stopped fearing it. Next time, if it appears, I will allow it. I was a little worried because I was told I was low on energy and I thought I wouldn’t be able to protect myself if push came to shove.
I know that that isn’t correct, the tonal is protection in and of itself.
Next time for sure. I was really close to letting it interact with me.
The IOBs can in fact kidnap you.
They've threatened with me before.
Of course, I find it hard to believe you can't come back. I'd have to see that to believe it.
I believe, though Carlos never said this, they need an invite.
Or, you have to be too stupid to resist.
A good analogy would be, if the kidnapee were a teenage girl, they'll do you, if you give them permission.
But you also can't lie naked on your side with only your panties on.
That's an invite too.
Yeah it didn’t feel safe. Idk what it was and I don’t like things that try to hurt me haha. Okay. Thanks for the heads up.
I’m sorry about Cholita. I feel I’ve fixed the schizophrenia in myself. I’m finding that with recapitulation, bits and pieces of my agreements and beliefs were basically slowly augmented in to a separate reality and it took a final agreement to snap it all in to place. Suddenly I was in a panic state with insane chatter. I had to get reset to get out of it. If I could fall asleep, take a sedative, anything really that could bring me back. The only way I was able to fix it was with meds and then constant self evaluation/recap whenever something popped up that made me psycho. I had to immediately take care of it on the spot. Like your 3 weeks to silence except I was less thorough. Also, when I was put in to a mental institution, I ended up helping many come back to reality. I’ve always had that gift. I just struggled to do it for myself. I always heal people around me.
I've been reading about it. It is in fact possible to get better, but usually that means some form of meds.
I happen to think, you could just learn to remain in heightened awareness to solve it.
But it's difficult to stay there all the time.
And it could turn out, schizophrenia is actually useful for sorcerers.
Well, my current theory is that I stumbled on heightened awareness before recap and all my traumas, ego, and other bad perceptions came in and wreaked havoc. I am currently on meds and due to my practices they seem less and less necessary. I will not experiment with them however unless I’m being watched and it’s doctors orders.
In the heightened awareness, or whatever it was, I had seen what I thought was how the world worked, how “god” worked. How everything has a purpose. I saw how perfect it was, and then a part of young me, who had made many a bad conclusion due to a trauma, believed that if something is perfect, it’s too perfect which means that if it stays the way that it is, my loved ones will die, everyone will die, and that I had to save everyone. It wasn’t a rational or conscious thought either, it was like a switch flipped. And it panicked me to hell for the next 10 years until I finally got a hold of myself due to a woman absolutely resisting my ability to heal and destroying me in the process which has now lead me to here.
Certainly your assemblage point shifted.
But to talk about heightened awareness as if it was a single position is just a liberty I take in here, because getting too complicated would cause confusion.
I suspect one of the witches, or Carlos, reading how I talk about heightened awareness, would cause a big sour look on their faces.
But we got nothing guys! No time for snobbery.
Okay fair. I shouldn’t talk about it like I understand it either. All I know is it put me in panic mode, I saw/verbalized patterns all around, then freaked out every time I verbalized, and it overloaded me.
I have been in that state recently a couple times. I was able to stay mostly silent and the fear didn’t follow. Not at all where I was before
I had another question about silence. Tried to recap a song last night and some interesting things happened. The whole song played through my head and a lot of random memories were sparked as the song progressed.
I was just wondering if when doing the silence thing, since I struggle greatly with trying to stop music playing in my head, that’s technically not true silence right?
And if so, as much as music is such a huge part of my life and I love it more than anything (I am a musician after all) I may have to do multiple recaps on the songs playing through my head by just listening, feeling, and doing the head movements/breathing?
I guess I already know the answer to this.
Edited
Yes. Sorry. I get stuck with a song once in a while too.
And the colors in darkness are a tenth as spectacular with a song playing.
It's not impossible to work around it though.
Consider that all meditation systems work by altering the internal dialogue. With mantra, or whatever.
So just a song is as good as any meditation system which fails to lead to perfect silence.
The song doesn't entirely prevent colors. I can vouch for that from experience.
And watching those will move the assemblage point.
When it gets far enough, the song won't matter anymore.
So, music is like a ball and chain around your leg. But not a heavy one.
About recapping music.
If you can actually hear it, I mean, so well that you want to get up and find out which radio you left on...
That's coming from the second attention. Quiet the mind, and just listen. As long as you can.
Every second you hear will move the assemblage point a little further.
Every thought that comes back, will move it back towards normal.
So you want to be an "impeccable listener".
Probably all teenage girls know about putting on the head phones, and drifting into daydreams. It could even become a form of witchcraft, if someone was serious about it.
But music from the second attention is fully equivalent to colors in darkness, although I sure do enjoy things being visual.
Imagine literally having the power of Tony Stark, with his virtual computers floating in front of him, and his hands swiping the air to make them change.
I can do that now!
So if you're listening to music you can actually hear, try changing the station!
That would be really cool if you could figure out how to do it. Maybe every song you ever heard, is in those radio stations coming from the second attention.
Edited
That excites me greatly. I can already for the most part play music in my head at will. I just can’t get it to stop. It keeps repeating parts. Also, it hasn’t happened in a while now and I think it’s due to meds, but what you’re talking about, I’ve had that experience many times except it’s never a song I’ve heard before. I try to grab it. Before it’s too late and it always dissipates. I really want to be able to retain that music as a gift but I can’t seem to bring it to actual life. It’s always missing it’s glory, missing so many parts. Maybe I get a verse and it’s gone when I try to document it.
It’s so beautiful when it does happen though. So pure. One of the best feelings
🤔
I hope you learn to transcribe music you never heard before, coming from the second attention.
It's no different than Carlos using his hand to read text from "the wall".
It's a form of seeing.
But make sure you really hear it. It worries me when "it's in my head".
That's not black or white, and certainly if it feels very different, it's good.
But there's so much room for all of us to put on the purple Fezz, and join a bizarre new "lineage".
Sobriety. That's why don Juan emphasizes that.
I guess I'd fall into the category of sobriety having become an enemy now.
Yeah. That music sounded like it came from outside. Like a whole orchestra surrounding me. Or a rock band. Whatever the pieces instrumentation was. I can tell the difference and it definitely hasn’t happened for a while.
I’d love to be sober, but I have the meds my psychiatrist gives me and coffee that I’m currently addicted to. Coffee I can definitely quit, the meds, I have to wait still... I just don’t want a repeat of what I was suffering previously
I still do have this sense of self I’m holding on to. Can’t quite grasp the concept but I’m starting to see it I think..
So!
Last night I made further advances :):):)
I was gazing and trying to be silent. I saw the purple start trying to appear and I kind of allowed it instead of focusing on it. Suddenly, I couldn’t stop it, the ceiling and everything around it started getting a purple hue. Black shadows moved quickly across the walls, I started seeing little white lines emerging from the static as well. What I can only assume is a whorl appeared for a split second. And I had a short interaction with something. I could see it/feel it at the foot of my bed waiting for me to interact. Waiting for orders almost it seemed.
It was quite an experience. I then decided to go to sleep because I could feel something nagging at me in my mind that I couldn’t shut off. An irrational fear of being responsible for deaths of people and inorganic beings. I want to recapitulate that now that it popped up in my head again.
Those are for changing worlds, or as Carlos put it, "Assembling another world".
Colors are for capturing inorganics and redeploying energy, the fine white lines are for traveling.
Haven't found a use for the black, but I'm sure there is one.
And don't anyone build a new inventory in their head, based on what I write.
It's just motivational. Plus, if I didn't write down what I do most nights, I'd completely forget in a few months.
But what happens to you, is unknown. Carol Tiggs even said so.
As far as I know, some of you might see plaid colors predominated by green.
No one can really say what will happen to each of you individually.
If you didn't have schizophrenia, I'd say that's the "fliers mind" trying to talk you out of it.
That kind of stuff (creepy goings on), is associated in the mind with fear. And then the internal dialogue starts to produce those kind of negative feelings.
My guess: Everyone will have that happen to them. They'll have to just keep practicing, until something in you figures out it's fun, not scary.
Except the women. I never know what the women will go through.
I suspect, the story of Josefina's experience with Zuleica, is very prophetic.
Carlos had to work like a dog, possibly for months. We just don't know, but if I had to guess, he's got 1000s of hours into trying to merge his energy body with his physical body, by sitting in the darkness with Zuleica.
Josefina just swished into the colors and disappeared.
My guess is that she only has dozens of hours, and probably the first ones, with La Gorda, she wasn't really trying. Probably she was just enjoying the fuzzy pajamas.
Some women only need to make up their mind to actually travel into the second attention, and off they go.
Its' just that, they're too per-occupied with other things.
Cholita for example is 2300 miles away, homeless. And likely she's chasing an internet boyfriend.
Edited
Do me a favor:
If you see the white lines again, get up. Go look at some closely.
Even better, try to find them on the bedsheets.
See if you can figure out where one is actually located.
I never can. They're right there in front of me! I could even estimate how many I see in a few feet wide circle.
But I can't figure out where a single one is located.
Also, see if they don't have a little echo. I won't describe it for you, but look closely to see if there aren't actually 2 lines, not one.
As for the purple stuff, please describe it better.
Was it like a light shining from a window onto your wall?
Did it have texture?
Was it clumpy?
Was it only "out there", or did it fill the entire room to some extent?
Also, if you gaze at it, and find a way to make it brighter, do you sense heat somewhere? Behind the eyes, or in the head?
By heat I mean, people as children see that color when they have a fever, or are about to pass out.
If you stand up super fast in your 40s, it's common to get dizzy. It's something to do with how the body ages.
Anyone who's stood up way to fast, will know about having to stoop back down. A sort of blackness comes over you, and in extreme cases you see the purple.
Is yours like that?
It can also be very pleasant, not uncomfortable as I described.
When it's pleasant, it's like bliss in the air.
It was pleasant and deep yet dull purple, almost like there was tv static in it fading the color a bit. It covered the ceiling and the whorl, black shadows, and colors/shapes were all inside it. It was more like a projection on a wall to a different world almost. I feel that’s where it would’ve went if I continued. It was flat, but I would think that the texture would be kind of lumpy yet soft if it was a solid thing. If I continued, I almost feel like I would’ve been able to walk through it if I could walk 90 degrees upward on air through my ceiling. I feel like it would’ve been warm but felt like a combo of a cloud and a membrane.
Edit:
Well, I’m not sure actually now that I’m remembering it. I just felt like if I kept watching I could’ve interacted with it and I’m imagining how it would’ve felt to interact with it. That’s my imagination. Rick and Morty portal gun idea I guess maybe...
Factually,
It was staticky with those little white slivers in it and a whorl appeared for a split second I think. And I saw a blue ball in the other corner of my room for a sec and when I focused on each of them, they disappeared. The purple just seemed like a projection but not in a square like a normal projector. It was fascinating. Everything else that I was mentioning was what I felt would happen.
in other words, your intent
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It's very challenging, and probably foolhardy, to try and describe intent at length. Each person becomes familiar with it in their own way.
I kind of had that feeling and it’s been nagging me since I posted it.
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I understand.
This is in regard to both of your comments.
Thank you. As I try to be impeccable, every day/moment seems to be a learning experience.
So, you can use that to intercept dreams. Maybe it needs to be a little more course, but if it’s not smooth that’s “details”.
Details let you focus your attention on specific spots in the room.
I’m assuming you’re doing this eyes open.
If closed, it’s still cool but you’ll tend to blank out too soon. The coolest stuff happens past the 2 hour mark, and you’ll never get there with your eyes closed.
My purple stuff evolved over time.
Cholita's the one who turned it into purple static.
It was originally vague bluish lines in the air, like dust bunnies. It was too faint to be sure I was seeing it, and I felt guilty for a while, manipulating it with my hands, and blowing to see if I could make it brighter.
But later it turned to intense purple blotches floating “out there”.
And when I got those, I remembered I’d been seeing them since I was a child, but lost the ability shortly before adulthood.
After the blotches, the purple light organized as bars of light, going up and down at all angles.
And finally, purple static.
“Dreaming fog”, is an apt description.
It’s interesting that the witches spoke about always starting entry to the second attention from some fog.
And there was also the “wall of fog” in the books.
Maybe when someone brings you in, and it’s not by your own power as it is with us, you see it from outside.
Like a wall.
But if you invoke it yourself, you’re inside already.
Who knows?
This is a good time to point something out.
“Book experts” drove Carlos and Carol nuts.
They’d actually argue “fine points” with them, based on the books.
So don’t be a “book expert”, and look a gift horse in the mouth, because it’s not what you expected.
Anything “cool” is correct.
There’s also the non-directionality of the “wall of fog”. Meaning, it turns when your head turns.
So does the purple light, at first. Tensegrity even teaches you to sweep your head along with the hand, when scooping colors.
When it stops being non-directional, it takes on a new level of “realness”, which means, the assemblage point has moved to a favorable place to view it.
If you want to intercept dreams, you'd have to be super silent until your assemblage point moves into full "bliss", and your breathing changes.
At that point, just sit on some pillows and gaze at details in the purple static.
But you could also look around for 2 eyes and a mouth, on the purple light. Try to summon hypnogogic images.
Dreams are more complex. Simple floating heads are not as hard to find.
I'm a little concerned you've been influenced by me, but it sounds promising.
The problem now is, if you can do something cool, can you do it again and again, and again?
It's clearly from the second attention.
I'm not sure if your assemblage point is flexible from the particulars of your life situation, or maybe you're just talented.
The question now is, do you have the interest to keep practicing?
Once or twice isn't going to do anything but give you a little happy buzz the next day. And worse, you might go off the deep end, and just “decide” you’re a sorcerer now.
Don’t do that! It’s a very long trip.
You move the assemblage point as far as you can when practicing, and it moves back later on.
It moves back sooner if you "indulge", which is where the "impeccable" thing really becomes obvious.
If you're careful, you can make it last.
But I believe, the goal is to keep moving it to heightened awareness until it stays there on its own. Or, can move there so easily, you can do that in a few seconds when needed.
Naturally there’s other possible ways to learn sorcery, but this one seems the easiest to measure as you go along.
If you’re going to succeed, or fail, it’s nice to know where you are on that curve, which will directly correspond to the effort you put in.
Dot or ball?
If it’s a dot, lots of people see those.
I have no idea what they are.
I used to see them maybe once a month, when I was 18.
Now, while practicing, I see several a night. Especially in heightened awareness.
But what they are good for? I don't know.
Whorls?
If you’re describing the same thing, the yin/yang kind of object, it can spin off "text".
It's the "intensity" that does it.
Could be a pomegranate dot just before it spins off, as Carlos described, but typically when a whorl is intense enough to spin off text, you aren't in the state of mind to stare at things.
When the text swishes off and floats in the air, it's probably at least a second or two before you think, "What is that????"
And notice it.
It’s amazing that Carlos could read it continuously.
I believe I saw him read text from “the wall” for at least 30 seconds on one occasion.
Edited
I’m not going off of text when I say whorl, must’ve used the wrong terminology. It was like a black dot that warped away with a light - dark blue moving whirl around it. I can’t think of how else to describe it right now. the purple stuff has happened a lot actually before I got here. Seeing colors, I’ve always saw shapes and colors for some reason. I don’t remember not seeing them to be honest... I don’t know if I’m talented or traumatized either haha, maybe raised halfway decently, just spoiled. I saw the grid pattern once. Only for a short amount of time. It was my second manic episode and I was high... I’m approaching this completely differently. I still have quite a ways to go. I’m sure I need a full recap and to dive right in to this 100%. I currently just practice when I feel like (which is pretty much every night) I need to and try to get silence and recap what’s preventing the silence constantly too. I have a what I hope is a healthy respect for the power and don’t want to toy with it too much...
And yeah my eyes have been open as far as I know.
I'm pretty sure that's what Carlos called a "Whorl". Or maybe "sworl". It's been a long time.
I believe the blue scout was standing right next to him when he explained that.
It was part of his introduction to a poster someone painted, of "The Wall".
Lost in time. Can't find a copy.
But I'm face blind. I can't even tell Carol from the witches. So if that was the blue scout, I can't be sure.
Interesting if I'm right, and your whorl is the same thing. Because yours looks a little different.
The whirl was almost jagged too. I’m excited. I wonder what’ll happen tonight.
Ok, I just can't resist.
Some nights, nothing!!!!
Shit.
There's where the "impeccable warrior" thing starts to make sense.
You use that thinking to figure out why.
But often you cannot.
So it's just a matter of how much energy you have.
I guess that has a mysterious side, but I've found you can overcome the mysterious needs with extra effort.
So it boils down to how tired you are, and how alert you are.
Also, it won't be all that entertaining unless you keep pushing forward.
You should see me when I'm bored, with my practices.
That world again??? I'm not going in there.
All the intense purple fog? I'm tired of scooping.
What's that dream materializing over there? Are they kissing?
Get a room and go away!
You'll get to that point.
So you have to keep pushing further.
I was really tired last night, my gf wouldn’t go to sleep. I tried a bit when she did and I started seeing the walls have the static texture. I actually started seeing like moving lines but the I started seeing like a red splotch of color with like moving bat wings and I was like nope.
Lol. I’ll try again tonight
Ok. So...
It's ok to be too tired to practice.
But it can set you back several days.
That won't matter much in the beginning. Each cool thing you do releases new energy.
But you'll use that up eventually, and you'll be running on your own stored energy, with only occasional help by intent.
So the further on you get, the more important it is, not to skip practicing.
Thus the urge to figure out how to practice during your normal daily life.
Cellphone energy is promising, when coupled in silence.
I was watching the microscopic details you can see, if you get it just right.
Standing next to a group of policemen, outside a "to go" pizza place.
With the cellphone sparkle, I practiced for a full 20 minutes right under their noses.
At one point I almost had a heart attack!
There was one of Carlos allies, right behind the microscopic sparkle!
Is that even possible????
I guess so.
They might have noticed me gasp, but probably figured it was a scary video on my cellphone.
I'm afraid, the wives do in most apprentices. They interfere with practicing.
It should be possible to work around it, but the wife gives yet another excuse to skip practicing.
Edited
Yeah, I was just too tired. But I did get somewhere. I started seeing the purple but I saw that red thing and because I was tired I was like, nope. Can’t handle this right now. Nope nope nope. Lol
How much light was there?
With Cholita gone, I was doing "bathtub gazing" last night.
My bathroom can't get perfectly dark unless I want to seal the window, which would be removed by Cholita the instant she got home.
There's a very bright street light shining right into the window.
So it's like dull twilight. You can see your hands, but not clearly.
I noticed, the purple fog I could summon was very granular, because the left over light made it "buzz".
That's also something people who don't practice sorcery see.
They wake up to go to the bathroom, turn on the lights, and the whole floor is buzzing with multicolored flecks.
Odd that it doesn't happen every time, but I get reports of it and I've seen it too.
So I'm theorizing, with a little light left over you can still summon colors, but they'll look different than if you have perfect darkness.
Was the area you were looking at completely black?
No, I’ve been doing this with a little light. Not pitch black
So that's good, if you make it work.
I can't afford to go down that path, to verify you don't need absolute darkness.
Plus, it wouldn't count with me.
Bathtub gazing last night, I managed to find a use for the "blackness" you mentioned.
Since there was a little light, I could find the blackness, scoop it with my hand, and toss it back and forth, like a ball.
But it had a lot of static in it.
So, you might expect to see more static than I describe.
And that also means, I might have misunderstood whether your purple light had enough "details" to intercept dreams.
But you can do that in semi-dark.
I also intercepted a dream while in the bathtub.
Awake with eyes open of course, or else who cares?
Hmm. Maybe the red blob with shadow wings was an IOB? I was just startled by the red. I thought it would have a blue hue. If you’ve ever played legend of zelda breath of the wild, it looked like a Keese, specific to that game.
Yea, that's likely an inorganic being.
I met my first one at 5 years old.
And I also saw colors on the ceiling most of my childhood. I lost them early on, but regained them at 12, courtesy of Ruby Modesto, a witch at Morongo.
It all started at Morongo! Even Carlos perhaps.
Sometime I'll have to post about how they used Devil's weed tea there.
Very cool.
I can’t quiet my mind tonight. For some reason I’m too frustrated with myself and have all of these high expectations. Like, I saw these lines now look for the purple now look for the lines calm down etc. I can’t seem to do it.
Congratulations!
That happens to everyone.
You got a gift from intent.
Now time to pay for it.
So basically, after putting immense pressure on myself and failing last night, I relaxed and tried to go to sleep, then decided to try one more time, I got somewhere, just not as far as I normally do and lost it. I think it has to do with everything that has been happening in my life yesterday and me not taking care of it. I saw something different though when I was succeeding. In addition to the purple and red, I saw the black shadows moving, but I also saw some white translucent whisps appear and disappear like a leaf blowing in the wind but bigger. Will try again tonight.
I would say, the things you see like that, are the things you can learn to see over and over.
You may end up with your own list of lines, blobs, colors, blackness, and whatever.
And you might learn to use each type.
But that doesn't necessarily mean, yours and mine will match.
Which is likely one reason, Carlos and Carol Tiggs don't go on and on about personal experiences the way I do.
It's just that, their strategy didn't work.
So far...
There is that understanding that if you learn something on your own, discover it without help from someone, then you remember it and can access it better. This is a little different from learning a new skill though. It’s more like relearning how to ride a bike. So proper instruction is actually beneficial. Spoon feeding haha. But who am I to say what’s right or wrong. The past two days I’ve struggled with it.
I did a lot better last night but nothing like previously. There were swirling black shadows that blanketed my view but I could see through as well. I was seeing purple splotches. But they formed and disappeared. Never a full one like I described the other day.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because I’ve been conveniently forgetting to practice silence enough daily. Been too caught up at work and with other things. At least I’m aware now. I don’t want to fall back in to full sleep
That's my theory.
It could be that our knowledge of sorcery integrates better because we have to do it all by ourselves.
It's also nice to discover something, then read about it later. Carlos gave me that gift when he banned me from his last 3 books.
I discovered things that had only been written about in there.
You saw black swirls? Turns out, you can indeed use those too.
I haven't lucked out to find a use, other than to toss it back and forth like a ball.
But you need a purple mist to see that.
Now, don't make the beginner's mistake.
You aren't trying to get them to "do something cool".
You just need to watch them. And be silent, so those will lure your assemblage point off to wherever those come from (the second attention).
Yes, later you can do things with the colors. But that's once you get all the way to heightened awareness.
Before then, just watch whatever you can, as long as it's "impossible", or "Can't be there for real!".
That's what pulls the assemblage point.
Yeah, I’m definitely doing the beginners mistake. I keep trying to make it form. When I see the purple I keep trying to will it to overtake the field of vision. I remember the one time that I succeeded the most was when I almost didn’t want it to haha. I just let it happen.
By "trying", you're thinking.
or visualizing someting you want.
That's a darned beacon to the first attention. It's like being out in the dark ocean, trying to drift in the right direction, but then shining a giant light onto the shore.
You're keeping the boat from drifting.
Everything you can think about, is part of the Tonal!
Don't think. Just watch in silence.
Later, you can think as much as you like. But you won't like to at that point.
Yeah! Also, at work today, I was seeing like a colored aura around my coworker (human shaped). I’ve seen it before but never so bright and never in there color...
I've never seen those.
I know someone who sees them around plants.
But I do have some experience with this.
At first, you have to go to sleep to see anything interesting.
You need to sleep walk.
So people concentrating on seeing an "aura", might be going in exactly the wrong direction.
Not necessarily everyone, but everyone I've tried to help.
They want to "out-stare" reality as don Juan put it.
When in fact, you need to back off. Let the mind wander in silence.
The opposite.
So if you learn to make stuff happen in darkness, you need to super relax the mind, shut off the internal dialogue, and if you can become perfectly "innocent", you'll succeed.
You do that a few times, and then the opposite happens.
Somehow you learn to include that in your normal view of the world.
And so what might previously have taken extraordinary effort, now becomes "normal".
You walk down the sidewalk, outdoors, and suddenly there's stuff that shouldn't be there.
Just be careful that if you're seeing impossible stuff before you've actually created that kind of control, through hard work, you might be deluding yourself.
Deluding yourself can be a not-doing. I'm not saying it's a kiss of death.
But it can be an indication you aren't fully genuine in your desire to learn, but are more interested in the rewards of people being impressed by what you've learned.
THAT is a kiss of death. We've seen it do in all of Carlos' apprentices in the past.
I see. I think I understand now.
I would think that if you’re seeing things and then pointing them out to people, that’s being false but if you’re just seeing things yourself and observing, it would be okay.
If you really see them, it doesn't matter.
I'm just used to people who say they see auras, failing to learn after a few years, and giving up.
Saw plenty of those.
"Auras" is tainted with the intent of something else. Something mostly imaginary.
So when I hear "aura", I hear, let's all be friends, and you compliment me on my magical knowledge, and I'll do the same for you.
Maybe we can even make money from this.
That's what I hear, in "aura".
Failure.
But it doesn't have to be so.
It's just what I've observed in the last 50 years.
I see. I’ve been involved in the whether I’ve liked it or not for 12-14 years now. I might as well learn to control it instead of letting it run rampant on me and destroy my life. I don’t really have a choice at this point lol.
With that being said, I really hope I don’t quit. I don’t intend to. I want your efforts not to go in vain and I appreciate everything you’ve been doing for me
I have side benefits from helping in here.
Even if someone gives up, my annoying repetition will eventually get them to understand, and they'll spread that understanding elsewhere.
Even if they don't actually get there themselves.
a CONTAGION THROUGH ANNOYANCE!!!
Still getting frustrated. I get to the point where the purple seems to be forming behind the black whisps and shining like the sun behind the (black) clouds and then I sabotage it or something. Have to start from scratch. It gets faster and faster to that point but I can’t seem to get past that point and I keep getting frustrated about how much progress I was making not too long ago and then it all fell off.
I’m allowing it until I don’t allow it out of nowhere.
I’ll get it I swear.
Also, I’m doing it somewhere almost pitch black now and it’s faster and easier but still not at the level I was last week
Try the sunlight glitter for 15 minutes.
I've seen wonders using that! It's even embarrassing to tell about them.
It's like having your own private Las Vegas all you can eat buffet, when most of everyone else is still trying to get into a McDonald's.
You can get there too. Where you're embarrassed to tell about your dreaming and seeing prowess.
I'd say (it won't help make you feel better), that when you suffer like this, you make more progress than when intent helps you out, and you wake up the next morning with a big happy ego.
Intent is almost malicious that way.
It's like, "Sure Kid, you can take the Sweptail out tonight. Have a good time with your new girlfriend!"
Then the next day, you're stuck back in your beat up old stick shift Nissan with the air conditioner that doesn't work.
AHA! You’re absolutely right!!!! It’s totally ego. Lmao. I definitely fell for the trap again haha. What a game of chess! But it’s not. I keep over complicating.
Thank you for the advice!
I had a really weird dream too... I was kind of in dream trance, like half awake in my dream and my dream was playing out. I was in a kitchen/apartment or something that was really skinny doing what I was doing and suddenly the whole story changed and I woke up in the dream then outside to reality in a matter of seconds.
A strange figure appeared behind me. I turned around, and saw the person. They did not look like they belonged to my dream at all. As soon as I made eye contact with them, they essentially attacked me with what kind of resembled force lightning. I started feeling woozy. The white makeup that they had on that made them look like a geisha separated from their face at that time and it almost looked like a glitch in the matrix. I panicked and woke up.
I was going to attempt silence and gazing again when I woke up because I knew my assemblage point was more stretchy, but I didn’t want that thing to be invited so I just tried to calm down and go back to normal sleep.
IOB more than likely.
I don't think we should get too paranoid about ordinary dreams. They do get weirder and weirder, as you learn sorcery during the day.
But they aren't accompanied by lucidity most of the time, so there's no way to make use of them.
And I can tell you from direct experience, getting too focused on those, while trying to force yourself to actually practice, is a BIG mistake.
It's more of the same. Excuses not to actually learn sorcery. A substitute to tickle your fancy.
Probably the main benefit is that if dreams get more vivid than usual, and you seem to be able to remember more of them, then you have in fact risen your energy level a bit, up from your toes.
Carlos was interested in nothing else when the private classes started.
Rising up our energy, above our toes.
Later, it became more complicated.
That's almost surely because he was dying, and didn't have time to tinker.
I'm here, trying to continue his tinkering.
Cleargreen seems unable or unwilling, maybe for monetary reasons, and I suspect Carol and the Witches are letting things stand where Carlos left them.
So as not to disturb his intent.
Everyone leaves but the Nagual woman, who remains to help the stragglers. That's the rule.
Except, the stragglers never actually learned much sorcery. They got caught up in being "wonderful", at workshops.
Everyone in here, I hope, can now understand what's going on with Cleargreen.
That is, why they don't seem to know anything outside of what Carlos already wrote.
I'm sure that if Carlos lived another 10 years, he would have figured out how to herd the naughty sheep (students).
Like a baby Sheltie, being given a flock to herd for the first time.
It has to learn where to nip at them on the ankles to make them go in the right direction, without actually damaging their legs. And without being stomped!
But Carlos was removed too early to figure that out.
And they stomped him even after he left.
Edited
Ok! Well I should’ve tackled it then haha: it seemed pretty powerful. I was strange too because I wasn’t as shaken as I feel I’d normally be. I almost immediately questioned why I didn’t fight back instead of awaken.
Also, I was mentioning that “aura” thing I saw. It was more like an afterimage image. But it was just so bright when it happened. It surprised me. It just seems out of the ordinary. If I try I can see these after images of people very easily. Is that anything I should be pursuing?
Silence in darkness.
Yes, you can see auras on people.
But that whole topic is tainted. Once you start talking like that, you're summoning the intent of that whole phony money making mess.
And the looney people who go along with it.
It's a lazy person's pretend sorcery with a built-in huge support group.
But yes. There are auras.
I must not have the slightest clue on how intent works... lol
I just remember it whisking me away effortlessly.
I think I’m tainted because since I’ve been practicing here things have changed in my ordinary life. They put me in a leadership role at work and constantly thinking about how to move forward in this climate and do business is the opposite of sorcery. I realized that last night yesterday and I think that that is why I’ve been failing. That and my ego is a much bigger than I thought. Like, how can you get a big ego about having a little ego? I found a way. 🙄
Go for the impeccable thing at work.
That's a place where it makes sense!
It doesn't make sense, if you're Reni trying to teach your followers.
It just sounds like you want people to think of you as a saint.
But at work, that's the place to work harder than everyone else, and be more forgiving of bad personalities.
In my 20s, I had a job blowing bongs from glass tubes, on a glass blowing lathe.
You were supposed to make 40 a day.
I made 200 a day.
The boss told me to cut it out. I was making everyone else nervous.
Try a little of that, but without insisting anyone notice.
I wouldn’t put it past me. My sense of self is pretty deluded. I want people to think I’m as saint and that’s a problem isn’t it...
Yea, the saint thing is a huge problem.
Can it be the christian church that produces this concept?
I run into it all the time.
I'll be discussing sorcery, and the person will say, "Well, I believe..."
Believe?
No, no, no!
It's just very old technology. They didn't have any cool stuff around.
Just sharp little knives, weird masks, and "tatoos" made by scaring themselves.
They were bored out of their minds.
They guzzled a few too many glasses of Devil's Weed Tea, and discovered spirits.
Over thousands of years, we have a real technology.
It's not a "belief" system at all!
Likewise, someone practicing it isn't saintly!
Would you tell your computer repairman to get lost, because he tried to put it up his girlfriend's b...?
But don't tell Robert that. He's judged Carlos from the start, as not Saintly enough.
And that's what you'll google from the web, if you try out Carlos Castaneda.
He wasn't saintly enough.
My saint thing actually originated from trauma, not the church. And I’m so glad we had this convo because I realized what feels like a big chunk of what I was missing about my identity and why I didn’t accept myself as I am
Hi!
Nothing important to report I don’t think. There was more light in my room than usual and I was still able to get to about the same point except with less time. The colors were just washed out a little. Nothing special. I don’t remember dreaming but apparently I said my ex’s name in my sleep so... my gf is not happy lol
My chiropractor who I trust unlocked something about my ex that was left over. Dust bunnies I guess yesterday during the day. I assume thats what it was and it just means I wasn’t thorough enough. That’s what I get.
Anywho, hope all is well!
Hi!
I’m realizing even more how much I was overlooking internal dialogue due to saintliness among other things...
I quickly hit purple last night. It was almost immediate. So now I just have to stabilize it.
I suddenly remembered my dream from two nights ago last night when I was getting ready for bed. It was strange because I remembered that I was half conscious. Like, I was having thoughts and making decisions in my dream that referred to tonal facts which I can’t remember if that’s ever happened to me before without the dream dissipating.
Don't forget about the black. That can be manipulated also.
It's just more difficult.
That sort of gives insight into why the Little Sisters and the Genaros were such assholes.
When Carlos went to gather them back together, a necessary step after the Nagual blows up the group, they started to remember things taught them in heightned awareness.
Instead of "Yay!!!!! We have bonus gifts available to us!"
They were saying, "What did don Juan do to us????"
Here's some tips for future teachers:
Your favorite student may one day curse you and leave.
They just don't need you anymore. That's all.
They'll come up with a "reason", but it won't make any sense.
Which is good. If they found a valid reason, you'd have to recapitulate too much to remove that mark.
Teaching is serious business.
If I’m capable of moving on from a teacher, let alone anyone, I have made strides I’ve never thought possible in myself. Ie: saintliness
Saw your post about the purple and everything. Great post. I’ve seen everything except the actual face.
Last night something was definitely with me, maybe a couple. And I think one was frustrated. Really wanted me to push myself far. I’ve been kind of hiding in the safe bubble.
It entered my dream last night again and was hunting for me to I guess suck my energy is what it felt like. It literally opened my bedroom door abruptly last night too. Scared the hell out of me. I saw a shadow of it. Humanoid with wings. Well, my guess is I need to face my fear and tell it to “be pretty” as you say. Wrestle it. I feel it’s very powerful.
We’ll see what happens tonight.
Edit: I also kind of flashed to a weird place with a giant craggily tree with no leaves, with my eyes open.