Hello, I've gathered courage to write this post, because I'm confused about a particular experience I had that is holding back my practice. To add background, I'm reading Eagle's Gift starting from book 1, plus Art of Dreaming and both Taisha and Florinda Donner's books. I have to be honest I'm not the most disciplined person and practice Tensengrity (the basic life-saving ones and Clara's horse stand) and recapitulation when I feel something distracting my mood or creating unnecessary inventory. I have tried darkroom, but I don't feel I'm ready for that just yet. More on this later.
I've had a few experiences from my childhood, one of which I believe is described in Castaneda books, and it's what I want to ask about.
When I was about 7, I was watching TV alone and suddenly felt the worst dread and nervousness in my body. It felt like static whiteness drenching me from head down. So I rushed to my parent who was on the other side of the room, but while I was crossing the room, I saw a white illuminated floating fabric that seemed to be hanging from above. was about a meter and maybe half tall, and it moved like a long skirt in water. I was shocked at first, but what caused deep dread and freight was that I felt myself being pulled towards it, and I knew if I kept standing frozen there, I'd be dead. It was frozen in place, but at the same time pulled towards it. I willed myself to move like you would when you're in sleep paralysis and jerked my way out, towards my parents who obviously didn't believe a word I said. So believing I was crazy, I tried walking back to the TV, but I saw this the second time - the same feeling all over again. This time I KNEW it was real, then willed myself out and hid in the corner of the room until I lost consciousness. I think I lost consciousness, because there is no memory; not loss of memory from aging, but actually having no memory like when you faint.
I was forced to forget about this memory and go on with life, but it's not surprising what this does to a person. Though I believe in magic especially in nature (like psychically talking to the wind), anything that is viscerally weird like that fabric or vivid dreams was pushed out of my memory as a coping mechanism. I gradually lost my 'mojo' over time. That is, until I had an awakening phase where this ghostly experience, as well as other strange memories and dreams came flooding, and I had to accept that I was not crazy and all was real. I looked into Buddhism, law of attraction, magical traditions, etc but they all lacked something central. I kept looking until I came upon Castaneda's material and got hooked into descriptions of IOBs, the feelings and techniques used in gazing. Even the tip about putting stones in between fingers... I used to ruffle up my blanket between my fingers as a kid because it made me dream better; how would I had known this as a kid? I can't live on remembering these strange habits and realise I can barely do them now, while knowing this was all real and there are people who are doing them today, thriving and experiencing freedom and magic.
I side-tracked. Back to that white fabric being. I'm convinced it was an IOB, and I've read that these beings can be anything unless you communicate with it. Since that day, I have not seen it, but when I try doing darkroom or anything that uses second attention, I chicken out because I feel that IOB wil appear and I won't be able to will myself out and get killed.
But this is fright talk, right? Or is it actually something I have to be aware of and take things slower, like not engaging in darkroom until I do more recapitulation or dreaming? Or all this talk indulging and I just need to get over it?
Also a few months ago, after an hour of recap and Clara's Tensengrity move from 'The Sorcerer's Crossing', my left ear drum made 4 automatic knocks (?). It was beating by itself and very loudly. I was a little scared, because I didn't expect it and thought I might face something that will screw me up. Does this mean anything or is it just really good blood circulation?
23 Comments
You are lucky to remember these experiences. Best is to recap them and especially your feelings of fear/terror/freezing.
Understand that, they can't harm you in this physical reality. You can't get killed by iobs. This is your own fear when facing something unknown. If you indulge in fear you will be like an animal that is being chased losing the actual reality of what's happening in the now.
Fear/Terror are excellent to loosen your accemblance point for it to move. For me it was a matter of practice to feel them and not let them take over me.
IOBs feed off intense releases of energy and the easiest way is from strong negative emotions. To be able to perceive them, you need to move closer to them , in terms of reality, and strong negative emotions are the easiest method for it.
It's your mind holding on to the past experiences. You think that this will happen. I guarantee this will not.
From my experience the feeling of dread and fear will come again when iobs come to you . Is up to you to desensitize yourself from it's grip and not fall into the same freeze state.
Conquering fear is crucial otherwise progress will not happen.
As Don Juan told, fear is the first enemy of sorcery.
Thank you! Your response has been insightful.
By feeling, is it like acknowledging the presence of fear and then trying to physically feel that fear, for example a tremble or intensity in the stomach? When I try to fly in dreams I notice my intent to fly, then feel this tingling, gravity-less touch between my shoulders, which allows me to float. I'm wondering if this process is akin the feeling fear and transforming that into a physical sensation.
Also, I was also wondering is the pulling feeling had any meaning. I was always puzzles by that, because if fear of getting killed is an illusion, then that pulling sensation must have had another purpose...Or was it my fear playing tricks and I was subconsciously choosing to go towards it? Would you know anything about this phenomenon?
"I knew if I kept standing frozen there, I'd be dead."
HOW did you know this? Maybe it was your internal dialogue. See: https://www.reddit.com/r/castaneda/comments/1c7b75t/revolver_2005_full_elevator_scene_for_those_who/
Hundreds of times I've experienced intense impending doom, a sense of helpless panic. So many of those times I've found bugs in my home - roaches, spiders, flies, shortly after. It became enough of a pattern I started looking for bugs if I feel that sensation and it would cease after killing them. The sense of doom became a cue for me to ignore the thoughts and look for something else.
Maybe you can use your fear as a sign you're experiencing something unusual.
Yo what do the bugs mean flies sometimes fly out of this swirly energy thing and once a cricket was like talking to me extremely loud right in my ear while I was laying on the ground but it was nowhere to be found I looked everywhere it was like it was coming through the concrete yo is this stuff real omg I'm freaking out dude how do I learn more please read my other reply at the top!!!!!
Hi, I meant tonal bugs, it was just an example of recognizing fear may be from something outside of the individual self.
The sounds from other places sounds like "the knock" https://old.reddit.com/r/castaneda/comments/1bz5qbn/knocks_on_windows/ . Read the other comments in this thread, it seems you're on the verge of meeting an IOB!
You're right, it's internal dialogue. It's interesting that you find signs when this happens. So far I haven't really seen signs, but when I was practising exercises I have heard a knock and just weird creaking in the house; just vague enough that I couldn't determine if it was brilliant timing or something coming in contact with me.
IOBs just want to interact with you.
They'll try "nasty tricks" perhaps twice at the most, changing to a slightly different version the second time.
But if you stand up to them, that becomes the new method of interaction.
In the books it's called "wrestling the Ally", but also "spinning with the Ally".
Neither is necessary. You just have to stand up to them unwaveringly.
Once they give in, order them to take whatever form you like.
They actually have none here where we are.
So when you are perceiving them, it's very much like the talking lizards from the books. Or the moth which brings mushroom shapes.
They're channeling advanced levels of sorcery to you, in order to create an appearance.
Later when you can reach those advanced levels yourself ("seeing" or "Silent Knowledge"), you'll miss them having a realistic looking appearance.
You get more control over that flow from the emantations, so that it almost seems as if it's impossible for them to look real anymore.
Pity...
I got lucky this morning and ran into some Cholita induced "special effects" and it was indeed nice to be frightened by magic again.
Even if only for a few seconds.
I didn't know there was a 'two times' rule, it sounds fascinating. I will definitely need to work on recapitulation and washing my fear away. Need to be reminded of the 4 enemies...
I have so many questions and curiosities. The world of sorcery is so intriguing. Thank you!
If you are doing recapitulation, keep in mind it ought to produce the same STUNNING magic you see in pictures and animations here. The fact that it never has is an indication no one is following the instructions for it. And likely it even means they greatly exaggerate how much of it they've done. It leads STRAIGHT to silent knowledge when done correctly. Where any memory you have materializes as a video in the air, into which you can "swish" the way Josefina swished into such a construct at Zuleica's house. I sure would like to see someone doing recap right! It's very depressing that even Cleargreen never did it correctly, and yet go around emphasizing that recap and tensegrity is all you need. They're astonishingly clueless.
There's a couple of posts on recap in here. But essentially if you aren't moving back and forth in time, and watching the events of the past in person, you aren't doing it well. I mean, overtime of course. It builds up just like that J curve diagram Carloso gave us. There's recap at all levels on that diagram. Green, red, orange, and purple stations along that path.
dani why are you doing this?
Carlos set me up to do it for him, and then released his allies to us but they seem to have focused only on me.
They blackmailed me into ending up here.
Carlos also arranged for me to end up with an angry but very powerful witch living in my home. One whom he likely left a strand of energy with, the way don Juan left some strands in his own apprentices.
She does laws of physics defying magic from time to time. So that it's impossible for me to forget that's possible.
I have had strange things in my life although I do not have a mind that starts to question those same things, on one occasion I was about 17 years old and I was in the laundry room sitting next to the washing machine smoking, I got up and everyone in front of me disappeared and alone I saw in black, in front of me I had a shelf like metal (I knew it by memory) so I tried to grab myself but I only hurt myself more as I fell, everything was black and I fell feeling my body but without being able to move a muscle, as if observing and just when I hit the "ground" I don't know how to explain this.
I only felt and observed my body from the outside, I felt the "pain" although it didn't hurt, I felt like I was being electrocuted, I received several discharges in the form of compulsions, and after a few seconds I returned with nothing more than that memory to the everyday world.
At that time I didn't know anything about Carlos, and even less what could be what happened to me, although the closest thing I can find is when Carlos "played/struggled with an IOB" or maybe this was just an invention of my internal dialogue to try to explain it upon finding resemblance.
Very interesting! Just wondering, were there are any sounds or lack there of, when everyone disappeared? Just curious about the experience of transitioning from normal reality to dreaming (I think, is it?) in that moment.
There were thousands of details at the same time, I was alone, when I got up everything disappeared and I stopped feeling my whole body, I didn't hear anything at least that I remember, then fear arose and I tried to lean on the shelf, at the same moment when That I tried.
I was falling "slowly" or that's how I saw myself, and I didn't fall to the ground as such, it seemed like I was falling through a pipe, hitting me from all sides at the same time, at that moment I did hear a sound, like when several pots fall together It was like falling several times against a force field and then the electricity came, in the form of compulsions, and spasms, the most surprising thing is that I had no mind or anything, and if I felt pain but it didn't hurt as such, I kept falling to the ground. floor and receiving shocks, my body felt like when you fall asleep on your hand, but this sensation throughout the body, once it stopped, all of this that I remember I only saw in black or I don't remember what I saw, I don't know how long it lasted but When it stopped, I opened my eyes and I was in the everyday world, the fall hurt a little but it didn't seem like it had existed as I experienced it, I hope this experience is of some use, maybe one day I will discover that it was a gift
I don't know anything about any of this I can see this energy blob thing and it moves around on its own it's seems to be sentient and self aware it can change colors and become bright it can also change shapes and make small figures it's been following me around for 2 years now nobody believes me and people think I'm crazy when I bring it up I assure you I'm very sane idk if this is something similar or something someone can explain to me here there's so much more I could say I mean we have went on adventures together we have a sort of telepathic connection and we use to go on adventures I felt like it was some sort of spiritual thing it gave me what I thought was discernment because I started to intuitively understand complex concepts and put things together in ways seeing things in ways I never have before I named her ruth short for ruthless i believe she has taken me to other worlds and maybe even time traveled these are not hallucinations and they are physical experiences in the light not dark it has something to do with light and my eyes and perception i squint and light beams shoot right towards me i stare at the son as it rises and it splits in two and makes a v once i made it a w with some kind of light energy that came out of me and something insane happened ill tell more to anyone who can make any of this make sense
I literally have kept all this to myself because I've felt very paranoid about it I have frequent nightmares and me an the energy thing are like at some kind of stalemate like we dont do fun things anymore we aren't friends like we use to be something's different i dont know anything about any of this I was a complete athiest 3 years ago im not spiritual at all nobody in my life understands my mom took me for an eye exam which i passed people think im crazy if i go into detail
Wow! That's some experience. I'm still a new practitioner so I can't tell you what it is, but I think you should read all of the Castaneda books and the posts on this wiki if you haven't so already. There are some pages I remember reading that may be related to your experience.
One thing I know for sure though, you should try calming your paranoia and anxiety, because that will heighten everything. I'm sure you're not crazy, just confused and nervous. :)
Thank you yea I downloaded silent knowledge I'm trying to read but I have trouble I've been trying techniques meditation trying to quiet my mind I need to read more I don't want to waste this gift
you'll be fine that's a common energetic response to energetics outside the scope of understanding. as you practice you'll naturally integrate it,and transmute it naturally but first you've got to overcome the fear 😨 lol
I guess it was all internal dialogue, but man that pulling feeling was real terrifying. These IOBs be real pain the crack.
lol yeah it's an attention thing you'll get pulled unless you spread your awareness out.
the pulling is just an attention thing. wherever you put your attention you go. it's a clever trick but a trick nonetheless lol
Hmm! That makes sense. Because I was indulging in fear, my attention was literally going towards the IOB. Basically I was just creating my own doom.